


Thessian Subterfuge

by ktao3



Series: Jack and Miranda: Normandy and ever after [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action, Biotics drug testing that involves Jack--or does it?, Domestic Drama, Drama, F/F, Friendly banter, Friendship, Intrigue, Kitchen table talk, Lots of sighs and shrugs but cute moments too, Love, Miranda and infertility, Pillow Talk, Shepard and survivor's guilt, The aftereffects of war, Trust, mild violence, overly elaborate plot maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-04-27 06:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5036632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktao3/pseuds/ktao3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few years after the destruction of the Reapers, Jack is on Thessia for a special 3-month training for biotics. She's staying with Femshep and Liara and their young daughter, and Miranda comes to visit. Happy reunions for friends and lovers. Jack is surprisingly great with kids, and Miranda has feelings about it.</p><p>But . . . something else is going on below the surface here. What's up with this special training? What did Liara tell Jack not to tell Miranda? And is Shepard really okay? I'm not sure where this thing is going, but I figured I'd go along for the ride for a bit. </p><p>[You may ask, How did the mass relays get fixed so quickly? Who knows? I suspect a lot of salarians were involved. . .]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Miranda walked through the door of the spaceport terminal on Thessia. Her eyes had only scanned the area for half a second, when she saw Shepard approaching her with a smile. In another half-second, Shepard had her in a bear hug.

"Miranda!" Shepard squeezed so hard, Miranda had to laugh a little.  


"Shepard. I'm happy to see you too."  


Shepard stepped back and held out her right arm. A network of burn scars from the Battle of London stretched across the forearm. "Hand over the bag."  


Miranda shook her head gently. "I've got it."  


"That's an order."  


Miranda laughed out loud. "I think those days are behind us."  


Shepard got a strange look, then said, "A favor for an old friend then." She made a grasping gesture with her hand. "Come on."  


A thousand moments flashed through Miranda's mind. Things Shepard had done—or sacrificed—that she could never be repaid for. She lifted the strap over her head and held the bag out.  


"Okay. A favor. Commander." She punctuated this last with a wink.  


"That's more like it. Lawson." Shepard smiled and tilted her head toward a hallway. "We're this way."  


As they walked along the corridor side by side, Miranda took in Shepard's slight figure, her paleness, the limp she couldn't hide. But still—she was Shepard. Still strong, if happily domesticated.  


"Shepard, how are you? How's life as a wife and mother?"  


Shepard looked at her with a gleam in her eye, "So good, Miranda. Liara. Athena. Peace." Shepard shifted the bag and straightened her spine a little. "There were many nights I thought I'd never see days like these. I'm grateful when I wake up and grateful when I go to sleep."  


"I understand. I can't wait to meet this daughter of yours. She's all Jack talks about."  


"That's funny. All Jack talks about to me is you."  


"Oh, I'm sure," Miranda replied with what she thought was a tone matching Shepard's sarcasm. But Shepard continued on seriously (protectively?), "You should be. She is so in love with you."  


This wasn't news to Miranda, but the way Shepard said it took her breath away. For a moment all she heard was the murmur of the crowds around them, then she replied, "The feeling is mutual, I assure you."  


She felt Shepard's left hand on her back. "I know." They exited the building into cool, late night air. "I'm glad you two crazy kids were able to get it together. Hell, I was half afraid to walk through that cloud of pheromones between you two that night at Anderson's apartment."  


"Alright, Shepard."  


"And you know I don't scare easily."  


Miranda rolled her eyes, "Enough, Shepard." She heard the locks on a skycar click open.  


Shepard threw the bag in the back as Miranda climbed into the passenger seat.  


After they settled in, Shepard turned to Miranda before starting the car. "What's the point of any of this, of everything we went through, without love? It makes me happy that there's a universe full of people who are friends and lovers and parents and not just murderous, mindless husks crawling everywhere."  


Miranda considered Shepard anew; or rather, she remembered her. Sometimes Shepard's perpetual courage and goodness made her seem simple somehow. But nothing could be further from the truth. Inside Shepard was a never-ending act of creation, a struggle to be that person, that inspirational hero that everyone turned to—to not give in to the despair of all the experiences she carried with her.  


Miranda put her hand on Shepard's knee and said, "I'm grateful, too, believe me. I remember . . . how it was. Everything that happened. I love Jack, and I'll take care of her." She paused. "And I'm grateful to have you here, still, as my friend."  


Shepard turned to her but seemed to respond from a distance. "You know, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't even be here. It was all meant to be a certain way, I guess." She started the car and looked away and over her shoulder to begin to back out of the space. "It just hurt a lot."  


For a second Miranda felt sadness pouring through a door cracking open inside of Shepard. Completely unsure of how to react, she simply said, "I know."  


Then just as suddenly, Shepard leaned on that door and got it closed again. "That's why I concentrate on the good things. Like the friends who are still here with me. Like you said."  


They rode in silence for a few minutes. Miranda considered these moments with Shepard. Shepard letting her guard down like that, trusting her with something other than the necessary public image. It made her think of Jack, inevitably. Building trust. How long it could take. And then all she wanted was to see Jack. Hold Jack. It felt like the ride was taking forever, especially with the silence.  


Shepard broke it by saying, "She's going to be so excited to see you. She has no idea." And then after a few more moments, the T'Soni Estate was looming in front of them.  


Miranda blew out a slight whistle: "That is . . . impressive."  


"It's kind of ridiculous, isn't it? I sometimes wonder what my parents would think. But it's where Liara grew up."  


"Shepard, I'm sure your parents would be overwhelmed with pride. And that has nothing to do with this place."  


Shepard made a thoughtful sound. "Thanks for saying that. I'm sure they never could've imagined how many people their baby girl would kill." Shepard sighed, "Hopefully so their granddaughter will never have to."  


For a moment, Miranda wondered if she should worry about Shepard, a thought that had only occurred to her two times before: the first time she ever saw Shepard's body. And after Shepard was recovered after the Battle of London. It seemed like something inside hadn't quite healed after all.  


"Come on, Shepard. Introduce me to your daughter."  


Shepard perked up again, "Yes, let's go. You're going to love her."  


Shepard grabbed the bag, and Miranda had no thought of objecting.  


*****  


One of the large doors opened, and Liara stepped outside. She moved to embrace Miranda with a tired smile. "Oh, it's good to see you, Miranda. And Jack is going to be very happy."  


"Liara, it's nice to see you again too. The T'Soni Estate is as beautiful as I've heard. And I haven't even seen the best part yet."  


"Yes. Well, she's asleep. But still beautiful. And there are a number of other things you may find interesting here. We can do a little exploring when Jack and Shepard are at the training facility." Liara's expression changed a little as she said this.  


Miranda considered her, then said, "Yes, it would be good to get a chance to talk." There was a little charge in the air when Liara nodded at her. Then, it was gone. "Come. Meet Athena."  


*****

As they approached the bedroom door, Shepard raised her finger to indicate quiet. But then she couldn't resist leaning in toward Miranda to say "Prepare yourself. You are about to see the cutest thing you have ever seen in your life."  


Shepard quietly turned the knob and pushed the door open gently.  


Instead of a crib, Miranda saw a bed. She approached it slowly. On the bed, 2-year-old Athena T'Soni lay asleep with her head resting heavily on Jack's right bicep. In turn, Jack's hand curled around Athena's hip, her arm holding the child close to her. A book titled "The Baby Animals of Earth" lay open just beyond Jack's hand. Jack snored quietly.  


Miranda had prepared herself for something adorable, but the feelings this scene evoked were something far deeper. It was beautiful. But it also hurt a little. Maybe more than a little. She exhaled, and felt a stinging in her eyes, but she recovered herself. She turned to Shepard and Liara to say, "She's beautiful."  


Shepard moved past her. She said quietly, "Jack, I'm taking Athena."  


Jack stirred a little, squinting at the light from the hallway. "Shepard? It's fine. She's fine."  


Shepard lifted Athena away from Jack. "She has a visitor."  


Jack squinted directly at Shepard now: "What are you talking about?"  


"Actually, you both have a visitor."  


Jack glanced around, still trying to assess the situation. She said as if she couldn't trust her own senses, "Miranda?" Then, "Am I awake?" She rubbed her eyes.  


Shepard was handing the sleeping Athena to Miranda. "Miranda, meet Athena. Athena, this is your moms' friend, Miranda. She's Jack's wife."  


Jack's eyes were open now and she was pushing herself up: "Miranda?"  


Miranda was cradling Athena and at the same time saying, "Yes, babe. I'm here." Athena began to open her eyes. Miranda saw a glint of familiar green. "Oh, Shepard. . . "  


"I know, I know. Liara must really love my eyes."  


Liara replied with a smile, "I do" as she nudged Shepard gently with her elbow.  


Athena started to stir, and Miranda moved to pass her to Liara. "I don't want to wake her up. I can really meet her in the morning."  


Liara pulled the baby close and kissed her forehead. "Okay. I'm taking her to her room. Good night all." She turned to leave.  


The next thing Miranda knew, Jack had jumped up from the bed and was squeezing her tight. She was still confused, asking, "Seriously, am I dreaming this?"  


Miranda kissed her gently. "No. I'm here. Of course, isn't that what dream Miranda would say?" She said this with a bit of a wicked grin, and finally everything was clear to Jack.  


"Holy shit. You are actually here." 

Shepard moved to pat each of them on the back at the same time and said, "Enjoy your reunion, you two." She turned to leave too.  


Jack was leaning back to look at Miranda. "So how or why is this happening?"  


"I had to come see you. I missed you."  


"Yeah, I missed you too, as I've mentioned." Jack kissed her. "Why didn't you tell me?"  


"I wasn't sure it was going to work out at first. Liara was helping, and then . . . I don't know. I wanted to surprise you."  


Jack laughed. "Yeah, well, I'm fucking surprised. In the best possible way." She pulled Miranda toward the bed. "Come on. What time is it?"  


"I don't even know. Late. Let me take this jacket off."  


Jack sat down on the edge of the bed, smiling like crazy. "Oh, take it all off!" But then she said quietly, "No, come on. Just lie down here with me." She pulled her legs up on the bed and scooted back.  


"Okay, okay." Miranda let the jacket fall, and moved to lie down next to Jack, then started to kiss her.  


Jack was gently touching Miranda's face, and pulled back a little, still holding it. "I can't believe you're here. But I am so happy you are." Then, very quietly, she added, "There is some weird shit going on around here."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We pick up where we left off in the last chapter. The narrative doesn't get moved along that much, but I wanted to give you a little something. Hope you enjoy.

Miranda's hand pushed Jack's T-shirt up so she could rest her hand on Jack's bare waist. She made gentle circles with her fingertips. "Weird? You mean Shepard?"  


A questioning expression covered Jack's face, then she replied, "That isn't what I meant, but I'm glad I'm not the only one seeing that." She sighed. "That's a whole other thing."  


"Then what are you talking about?"  


Jack leaned forward a little and said, "This whole fucking so-called training."  


Miranda leaned back a little to face Jack. "First, why are we whispering? Second, what about the training?"  


Jack sighed again and looked away. "First, Liara's got me all paranoid. Second, there's a bunch of weird shit going on. Liara keeps telling me to trust her. And . . . and to not say anything to you."  


Miranda felt a sudden annoyance bordering on anger. She said a little more loudly than she intended to "Liara told you to not say anything to me?"  


Jack shushed her. "Miranda! Yes. Because all the communications are compromised or some shit."  


Miranda was pushing herself up to a sitting position. "I think I need to go have a talk with Liara."  


Jack grabbed her wrist. "No. Come on. This isn't the time. I'm talking to you right now, aren't I? I don't know everything that's going on to even talk about it." She sighed again, "Except this."  


She let go of Miranda's wrist to hold out her own arm. There was a small piece of black tape that was very hard to see amid Jack's tattoos. Jack peeled it back and showed Miranda a raw, red spot about half an inch wide. Miranda got a sinking feeling in her gut.  


She said, "What am I looking at?" She thought she knew, but wanted to hear what Jack would say.  


"They're testing drugs on biotics."  


Miranda could not hide the anger in her eyes, in her body. Jack went into contain mode: "But . . . look at me." Jack leaned in to meet Miranda's gaze. "Miranda, listen to me. Liara promised me I'm not getting the drug. Just a placebo. I feel fine. Like the same as usual. There's like some wacko-level intrigue going on here, and this is just part of it."  


Listening to Jack's tone, Miranda's emotions switched from anger to sadness. How could she have let Jack come here alone? Jack had not wanted to leave Earth. She remembered Jack's voice saying, "Hey, I thought when we got married we said we weren't going to be apart anymore." Totally sincere, the way only Jack could be. But Shepard had gotten in touch with her to say what a good opportunity it could be for some of the Grissom students. How everyone said it wouldn't be a very useful joint training without the greatest human biotic. Miranda had even helped to persuade her—"It's only a few months. It will fly by." Now this? Her thoughts were interrupted by Jack saying, "What am I supposed to do? Not trust two of the like five people I trust in the galaxy?"  


And then, Miranda felt even worse. She inhaled and squeezed Jack's hand. "I'm sorry you've been dealing with this alone. We are going to get to the bottom of everything. But you're right—this isn't the right time." She pulled Jack into her arms.  


"Yeah, well, like I said before, I'm really happy you're here. It's like I can't live without you now or some shit, fucking cheerleader."  


"Me too." Miranda kissed Jack gently. "It's so good to hold you." Jack smiled a tired smile.  


Miranda laid back down. "Come here." Jack rested her head on Miranda's breast and slung her arm across her waist. She mumbled, "I love you."  


"I love you, Jack."  


Right when Miranda was convinced Jack was asleep, Jack said, "You know, Shepard's not okay. I don't think I can leave Blueberry before we figure that shit out, okay?"  


Miranda couldn't quite figure what that was all about. She said, "What?" But Jack was asleep.  


*****  


In another room, Shepard was holding Liara in her arms. "I thought you said it wouldn't be good for Miranda to be here now."  


Liara said evenly, "The situation changed."  


"It changed or you changed it?"  


Liara laughed lightly. "You know me too well." But inside, just saying this made Liara sad. She knew there were things bothering Shepard that Shepard couldn't bring herself to say and that Liara couldn't quite understand. But Shepard still had an instinct for reading her silences.  


"Liara? Liara, I love you."  


"I love you, too. Completely."  


Shepard smiled, but there was still sadness in her eyes.  


*****  


When Miranda and Jack walked into the kitchen in the morning a little behind schedule, Athena was sitting in a high chair and Shepard was handing her a water cup while saying to her omnitool, "Call Liara."  


Athena's eyes lit up when she saw Jack. She reached out to her, saying, "Jack!"  


Jack went to kneel beside the high chair: "Blueberry! What are you eating?" Jack pushed some cereal puffs around the tray in front of Athena. "Cereal puffs? But those are my favorite! Can I have some?"  


Athena looked at Jack with a sparkle in her eye and a shy smile and said, "No."  


"Great!" Jack grabbed one and made a big show of pretending to munch it with ridiculous sound effects. Athena stared at her with anticipation.  


"Oh, wait, wait, wait! Did you say no?"  


Athena nodded vigorously.  


"Oh, phew. For a second, I thought you said . . . No."  


Jack quickly grabbed another cereal puff and repeated the act. Athena started giggling.  


Miranda stood in the doorway watching in silence. Who was this? Another Jack to fall in love with? She wasn't sure her heart could take it.  


Shepard was saying, "Yeah, Jack and I have to get going." She turned to Miranda, "Every morning the same act. I'm starting to think this is pity laughter."  


Jack said without ever turning away from Athena, "I'd take this act on the road, but I'd miss my favorite audience. Athena, when I come home, baby animals."  


Athena said, "Moooo."  


Jack laughed the most light-hearted laugh Miranda had ever heard issue from her lips.  


"That's right my teeny Asari. Mooo. I'll see you later." Jack leaned forward and kissed Athena on the cheek. Miranda felt . . . she wasn't sure what she felt. Amazed and sad and in love and vulnerable. Suddenly Jack was in front of her, giving her a quick kiss. "I'll see you later too." She was giving Miranda a lascivious grin, but it morphed to a concerned curiosity when their eyes met. Jack said, "You okay?"  


"Just tired," Miranda said, trying to force a smile, but Jack saw through this, and said, "Uh-huh. Well, we'll talk later."  


In the background, Shepard was lifting Athena out of her high chair and giving her a hug. Miranda felt like the Collector Base was a million years ago. Like it happened to different people. She returned to Jack searching her eyes. "Yes, Jack. We will talk." Miranda realized Jack was holding her side and still giving her a worried look. "Jack, I'm fine." Finally Jack gave her a slight nod and said, "Later" before moving away.  


Shepard was approaching Miranda, holding Athena out. "Liara will be here in a minute. Do you mind?" Miranda gathered Athena into her arms and moved her to her hip saying, "Hi." She turned to Shepard, "No, of course not."  


Athena was considering her curiously.  


Shepard was saying, "She's really mellow. Don't worry."  


Miranda was still smiling at Athena as she said, "Shepard, I've taken care of a child before." Yes, 20 years ago, but still . . .  


"Right, sure, of course. Okay. Well, see you later." Down the hall, Jack was calling, "Shepard."  


Shepard said, "Athena, be good till mommy gets here. Okay, gigglepants?" She blew her a kiss as she walked down the hall.  


Then, it was just the two of them.  


Miranda said, "I'm Jack's wife."  


Green eyes smiled at her: "Jack!"  


Miranda responded, "Athena, I feel the same way."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We begin to dig into some of the intrigue happening on Thessia. Note I say "begin." Wish me luck, people! I'm afraid I'm getting in over my head ...
> 
> But I'm going to continue with this till the end. It just might take awhile . . .

As Liara approached the kitchen, she heard Miranda speaking softly. "So Jack reads books to you? I don't often see that side of her. Of course, who doesn't like puppies?"  


"Puppies," Athena repeated enthusiastically.  


As she entered the room, Liara saw Athena sitting on Miranda's lap, Miranda's hands loosely encircling her waist. Cereal puffs were being consumed with gusto.  


Liara spoke: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take so long."  


"Mommy!"  


Liara scooped the child up. "Athena, my love!" She kissed little blue cheeks a half dozen times. Athena giggled. With her daughter on her hip, she poured herself a cup of coffee and placed it on the table. "Were you having a nice time with Miranda?"  


Miranda said, "Well, I know I can't compete with her favorite houseguest."  


Liara grabbed a bowl for cereal puffs for herself. "I think Athena just thinks Jack is a big kid."  


"Well, she's not entirely wrong," Miranda said. But then she felt a little guilty: "I mean, Jack knows how to tap into her playful side. Not exactly my strong suit."  


Liara sat down at with Athena. "Yes, Shepard's much better at it than I am as well. Those two are surprisingly alike at times."  


They sat quietly across the table from one another as Miranda sorted through her feelings. The night before, she had been ready to tear into Liara about whatever was going on and Jack's involvement, but now seeing her with Athena on her lap and looking so tired . . . Miranda's anger softened. But she still needed to start to get to the bottom of what was happening. She spoke: "So, it seems we have some things to talk about."  


Liara nodded slightly and smiled knowingly, "Jack talked to you. Of course."  


"As she should have," Miranda replied with an edge to her voice.  


"Yes, of course," Lira sighed. "I expected it. I only wish I could've spoken to you sooner. It's a complicated situation."  


"I want to hear all about it. But I am struggling to imagine any situation in which it is okay for Jack to be involved in the testing of any drug." Miranda worked to keep her tone even.  


"Miranda, she isn't." Liara sighed. "Please believe me when I say I understand and respect what you are feeling. I will tell you everything I know, but can we, please, hold this conversation until Athena is napping?"  


Miranda exhaled and nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry. I'm afraid where Jack is involved, I lose my propriety." Miranda stood up. "If it's alright with you, I'll take a walk around the grounds. You can let me know when you are ready to talk."  


"Please, feel free to explore all the gardens. There are many rare plants, if those interest you. I will be in touch in about an hour. And I'm sorry too."  


Miranda made a thoughtful sound, then turned to walk down the hall. As the clicking of her heels moved into the distance, Liara said to Athena, "Being a grownup is very tiring sometimes." Athena leaned into her, and she felt a little better. "There are rewards, though," she thought as she squeezed her daughter tight.  


******  


Miranda was walking through a garden of various species of roselike flowers when a small information drone floated up to her. An electronic voice intoned, "Miranda Lawson, please follow me to the meet with Dr. T'Soni."  


After following the drone through many passageways and down a number of staircases, Miranda stood in front of a metal door. When she reached for the handle, the drone said, "I must enter a security code." After a few seconds of silence, the drone said, "Please enter this room now." Miranda pushed on the handle.  


However stunned Miranda had been by the facade of the T'Soni Estate, the banks of monitors and servers filling the large space before her impressed her even more. One monitor showed Athena peacefully sleeping. Fifteen feet in front of her, Liara stood behind a large table covered with datapads. She gestured to Miranda. "I've got some information laid out here to get us started. I'm afraid this is quite a convoluted saga."  


When Miranda arrived at the table, Liara pointed to a datapad at the left edge of the table and asked, "Do you recognize this man?"  


Miranda picked up the datapad and studied the image of pale young man with dark, sharp features. He seemed to be attempting to project an air of intensity, with mixed results. Miranda felt an unpleasant tightness in her gut as she noticed he was wearing a Reaper invasion-era Cerberus uniform.  


"I don't."  


"I'm not surprised. He was extremely low level and only entered Cerberus after you had left."  


"So, who is he?"  


"His name is Joel Raffer. He is a gifted chemist. Luckily for us, this causes him to overestimate his abilities in other areas. Unfortunately, his chemistry skills will still present us with a good deal of trouble. He is also a terrible xenophobe. Not entirely surprising, given his Cerberus connection."  


Miranda wasn't sure if she imagined a hint of judgment in Liara's tone, or if the guilty twinge she felt inside was self-generated.  


Liara went on, "Perhaps more surprisingly, he is now in the Alliance. Pardoned and recruited after the war. That should give you some idea of his talents." She then gestured to a second datapad that showed the image of a bush covered in shiny leaves of bright green. "This plant is known by many names. Athame's Vision. Bioptima . . ."  


"Thessian coca," Miranda noted.  


"Yes, that is a name some humans use. I assume you then know what it is used for."  


"It is a stimulant."  


"A powerful one. In Asari culture, using any drug to enhance biotics is considered . . ." Liara searched for a word, "pitiful. Maybe like cheating or—being inauthentic or weak, not a 'real' Asari. But the reason the particular cultural shame developed around this plant in the first place was matriarchal knowledge of the extremely addictive qualities of the alkaloid that can be made from its leaves. It alters brain chemistry, especially in maidens. It can permanently damage biotic abilities and leads to the self-destructive behaviors seen with the use of any strong narcotic."  


Miranda nodded, and Liara continued.  


"Having said all of that, during the desperate late days after Thessia fell to the Reapers, use—abuse—was rampant among Asari on the front lines. On any lines. Everything from chewing leaves to smoking adulterated synthesized forms. Judgment against use was put aside because commandos saw that it did effectively amplify biotic abilities, at least in the short term. And the short term was all that mattered. Ever purer forms began to appear, and our young Mr Raffer was a known source of extremely powerful synthetics. Battlefield rumors of the drug's powers spread even to non-Asari soldiers."  


"After the war ended, hospitals here on Thessia and throughout Asari space were flooded with addicted young women. Almost everyone knew someone whose life was ruined. The old cultural prohibition took hold again. But non-Asari remained interested."  


Liara gestured at a third datapad, open to an extranet forum. "I will assume you are familiar with this extranet site." Miranda glanced at the address: secondark.ea. She sighed, "Yes, unfortunately, I am."  


"Well, because so many xenophobes post on this site, the governments of almost all the council races regularly monitor the activity here. Under the name PrometheusAlpha, Raffer began to post about how the use of Bioptima could soon allow humans to surpass Asari in biotic ability. Ridiculous, of course . . ."  


"Of course," Miranda assented.  


"But his messages generated a lot of interest from many quarters, especially when his identity was determined. Many began to investigate him and follow his every move. Including this Asari." Liara held up a fourth datapad. "Her name is Azada E'lan. She is an operative for the matriarchs. But Raffer knows her as Eclipster14. She began to private message him under the cover story of being a mercenary who could help him with by providing hardy Bioptima plants selected for their alkaloid content and by moving finished product in Asari space."  


"At first he was dubious about working with an Asari, but she has convinced him that they share a certain kind of belief about racial purity. She claims to hate Asari who use drugs to enhance biotics, because they are "false" Asari betraying their race. She claims she doesn't care if they become addicts and lose their powers because they don't deserve care or protection from real Asari. He is willing to believe this kind of nonsense because he shares similar beliefs about humans in a somewhat opposite direction: He feels any human that isn't using whatever means necessary to become equal in abilities and technology to the other space races is betraying fellow humans."  


"With the knowledge of military figures within both the Asari and human governments, E'lan began to supply potent strains of Bioptima to Raffer through back channels. Let's not kid ourselves. Both governments are interested to see what he can create with his skills. Perhaps suspecting as much, Raffer approached his higher-ups about testing his latest versions on both humans and Asari, even explaining that he was receiving raw materials from a dark source."  


As Miranda tried to absorb all the information in front of her, one piece of information rose to the top. "Wait," she said, "you're saying Hackett knew about this?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said oh so long ago that I had bitten off more than I could chew here? Yeah, that was a good assessment . . .
> 
> So my solution at the moment is to keep throwing spaghetti at this wall. So here we are. Way more telling than showing, which I know isn't really good writing—but at this point, I'm just doing what I can to try to get this story going again. 
> 
> Hopefully you'll find something entertaining in here.

Liara smiled weakly, "Miranda, yes . . . Hackett knows. The matriarchs know."  


"Shepard knows?"  


"Shepard knows some, but not everything. Shepard knows as much as she wants to know, and I don't push her. She has given enough. Is giving enough . . ."  


Miranda mulled that over as Liara continued, "As I was saying, everyone wanted to know what purified, synthesized forms of these compounds could do to enhance biotic abilities. Asari want to see the addictive aspects quelled. Humans want to see their performance boosted to the maximum . . ."  


"And all these soldiers have consented to this?"  


"They have. You know how the promise of joining the most elite units or taking part in the most important missions can be a powerful incentive to some people. Perhaps you have even known people like that . . ."  


Miranda ignored this remark and pressed on, asking, "So, you are saying everyone but Jack is actually receiving some form of the drugs?"  


"That's right. I was able to convince . . . those who mattered . . . that the possibility of destabilizing Jack was too dangerous."  


Miranda began to object to the implications of the word "destabilize," but Liara continued before she could speak. "In every way possible, we are controlling this situation. Every inch of the training facility is on camera, fed to monitors here." Liara gestured around the room. "And to monitors elsewhere. Every single compound or substance—including the placebos for Jack—that Raffer receives come through E'lan and are supplied and tracked by Aria's people when they are not supplied directly by top Alliance laboratories. I placed the lab techs. I placed the security guards."  


Liara cleared her throat, then said, "Miranda, what Raffer truly wants has nothing to do with testing performance-enhancing drugs. He's already quite confident of his results. Granted, he does love to show them off. But what Raffer wants more than anything is . . . attention. Attention for his work. For himself. Attention for his troubled worldview—his hatred of aliens and his unwavering belief in human superiority. He may be willing to hurt someone. And based on his anonymous postings, he has an unhealthy obsession with Jack." Liara let out a long sigh after this.  


Miranda's heart was now pounding, and she felt like she was in a fog. "Does everyone know that too? Everyone but me?" Her chest grew tighter.  


"Hackett doesn't fully trust you; you must suspect that by now. If it was up to him, I wouldn't be having this conversation with you. But it is not up to him . . . As for myself, I was afraid if you had known, you would never have agreed to Jack being here. And I understand! But this is the safest place for her. Please, trust me. This is the endgame. This is the end for Joel Raffer, who I have observed for years, even before the Alliance took him in. As soon as I heard about his proposal to run these tests, as soon as I saw that the matriarchs and Alliance brass were actually willing to go along with it, I was the one who suggested that it should happen here on Thessia. To get him away from Earth, and whatever troubled allies he may have there. Believe me when I say he is filling a void left by the Illusive Man and gaining a following of hate-filled humans on the extranet."  


Miranda was only half-hearing the conversation now. "You let her be here?" Miranda wasn't sure if she was asking Liara or herself the question. She was reaching the edge of her ability to control her emotions . . .  


Then, Miranda noticed that Liara too seemed to be struggling to balance her own emotions. "Yes, Miranda—I let her be here. Under my eye. Accompanied by my wife, my child's father, every single day."  


After this statement, Liara was silent for a moment, but Miranda didn't know what to say. She realized that she should be grateful, that Liara was quite possibly doing everything she could in this situation. But she was still too angry to be thankful right now.  


Liara continued again after the silence. "Listen. Raffer doesn't only hate Jack. He hates you, too, for leaving Cerberus after rising to the top. He considers you a traitor. He hates that Jack is the most powerful of human biotics but does not fulfill his vision of what that should look like. He hates Shepard for working to unite all the races. Under different circumstances, left to his own devices, I believe he might have come after any of you. For the glory, for some twisted notion of revenge for your 'crimes.' Or he would convince one his mindless followers to do so. Luckily, his precious ego has been stroked by scientists and military strategists praising him and his work every second of every day since the day he was brought into the Alliance. This fulfilled his need for attention for a long time."  


"If you want to spend a grim afternoon, you could read his online rantings, posted under dozens of pseudonyms. He even stages fake debates with himself. The thing is, you don't have to, because I have been reading and analyzing his troubled drivel for months. . . I even know how many Alliance soldiers repost the hatred he spreads through their own personal accounts. And I have passed that information onto Hackett."  


"For years, I have pressed for him to be arrested, under any pretense. His extraordinary abilities have granted him a lengthy immunity. That is the way the Alliance works. But I have been sounding the alarm on him nonstop, showing how dangerous his ideas were and how they were starting to take root. I finally won over some matriarchs and then Hackett to my way of thinking. They now acknowledge he is dangerous to us, not just our imagined enemies. The truth is, the powers that be—in both of our militaries—wanted to see what he could accomplish with these subjects and these pure materials before they were willing to arrest him for anything he 'might' do. They didn't care if he was insane or driven by hate as long as his genius pushed biotics to their maximum potential. Well, this drug trial and this training have given everyone what they wanted: data to work with, positive results, directions to pursue for further research . . ."  


"Based on his writings, his communications with E'lan, and . . . other data . . . I believe Raffer has chosen Remembrance Day to do something to gain the attention he so desperately craves."  


Miranda murmured, "Three days from now."  


"That's right. But unfortunately for Mr. Raffer, tomorrow will be the worst day of his life. Two human cadets are going to die in his drug trial." Liara turned to her, "Not really, I'm sure you understand. But body bags will be paraded in front of cameras. "  


"I understand," MIranda said weakly.  


"I didn't want you to be on Earth and see that and know nothing. To not be able to get in touch for who knows how long. There will be purposeful break in communications. Raffer will be discredited. The stories are already written. He will be declared a fraud who faked data. Stories will be spread that the drugs he sold during the war weren't synthesized by him at all, but came from Asari scientists. That he has Asari lovers." Liara rolled her eyes. "That he is a drug dealer and that he is addicted to drugs to the point of damaging his own brain and has become paranoid, delusional, incompetent. He will be left with nothing."  


"What really happens with him after that—I don't yet know. They promise me he will be restricted in his movements and in his access to the net. We will see. I, too, don't know who to trust. I will simply be glad when he is off Thessia for good, so all of us, all of the people I care about—including you—will be safe. At least from him," Liara exhaled and faced Miranda, looking more exhausted than ever. "Tomorrow this is over."  


Again, silence hung between them. Then Miranda said, "I only wish you had trusted me with this before now. Maybe I could have helped, in some way. But we have to move forward from here. I appreciate you telling me all of this. I hope you are right in your assessments. I think . . . I think I just need some time to absorb it all."  


Liara nodded, "I understand."  


"Alone." Miranda turned to leave. "Will you open the door for me?"  


"I'll get it . . . Miranda, everything I have done, I did because I felt it was the best thing I could do for everyone within the parameters where I could influence the situation."  


Without turning around, Miranda said, "I'm sure that's true." Then she walked out the door.  


*****  


All day Miranda thought about everything Liara had said. She was angry and upset. She wondered how far she could ever get in the Alliance, knowing Hackett didn't really trust her. Mostly she worried about Jack and wished she could take her away from here right now. She wished this whole situation had never happened. And somewhere in the back of her head, she wondered how much Cerberus had inspired, or even created, Joel Raffer. It made her sick.  


The day slipped by and soon Jack and Shepard returned to the estate. Miranda felt like she was in a haze throughout the evening. After a hasty dinner, Liara went back to work, and Shepard grew more and more quiet. When Athena began to get tired, Shepard seemed a little too eager to pass her off to Jack for her bedtime story. Jack gave Miranda a meaningful glance, like "See what I mean?" but Athena was delighted as she wrapped her arms around Jack's neck.  


"You wanna hear about the baby animals of Earth, babe?" Jack asked with a smile. Athena's arms and legs were wrapped around her colorful torso, and her head rested on Jack's shoulder. "It's quite a show, I promise you." But seeing Jack crawl around on the floor with Athena, tickling her, and laughing with her, and barking like puppies with her—it all became too much to bear. Her heart aching, Miranda suddenly stood up and said, "You know, I'm still feeling very tired. From traveling, I suppose. I'll see you in the bedroom, Jack." She leaned down to give Athena a kiss on the forehead, "Good night, Athena."  


"Night." Athena smiled, patting Miranda's arm.  


Miranda inhaled and smiled back, then walked toward the bedroom feeling lost.  


*****  


When Jack walked in, Miranda was already lying in bed.  


"You okay?"  


Miranda didn't have the psychological energy to lie: "Not really." She didn't mean to sound as sad as she did.  


Jack laid down next to her, "What's going on? Is this from talking to Liara?"  


Miranda reached up and pulled Jack into a long, deep kiss, and Jack eagerly complied. After, she looked Jack in the eyes and said, "What do you always say to me in bed?"  


Jack shrugged a little, "That you're fucking hot?"  


Miranda laughed and shook her head. "Jack, you are fucking hot, actually. But what I was thinking of was 'Can we talk after sex?'" She caressed the side of Jack's head, then trailed a finger down her jawline.  


Jack moved to climb on top of her, and nestled between her legs, "Is that what you want? Really?"  


"Yes, but without the talking."  


Jack looked down at Miranda, shaking her head back at her. "I don't know what the hell is going on in this place. Shepard is acting weird, Liara is acting weird, and now you're using my lines in bed. Lucky for you, I like your plan." She leaned down and kissed the side of Miranda's neck. She whispered in her ear, "I've missed you so much." She paused, "And you're fucking hot . . ."  


Miranda wrapped her arms around Jack and pulled her close. "I love you." She couldn't begin to express everything those three words carried right now. Her regret, her desire to protect Jack, her wish that they were home together on Earth, in their apartment, in their bed, away from all of this.  


Jack kissed her again. "Yeah, I love you too." She unzipped Miranda's top and began to kiss the exposed skin there.  


"Jack, this is all going to be over tomorrow."  


Jack pushed up, "What do you mean?"  


Miranda sighed, "That's what Liara thinks anyway. Just promise me you and Shepard will stay close together."  


"Yeah, okay. You sure you don't want to talk?"  


Miranda pulled Jack against her again, "Yes, I'm sure. No more talking." She kissed Jack's lips softly. "I promise."  


*****  


Joel Raffer lay in bed in a comfortable reverie contemplating his intellectual superiority. He glanced over at the asari lab tech passed out in the corner of his room. He shrugged to himself, "I'm a bad man, but they make it so easy." He took a long draw from the tightly wound Bioptima joint in his hand. "Even at 50% I can outwit every being in this planet." Rafter wasn't just intelligent, he coveted information. He hoarded it. His drug dealing in the Reaper War had reached into many dark corners of this planet (and many others), and those corners were often occupied by knowledgeable but desperate people. Beings only too happy to trade every last piece of information they had for pure, powerful drugs. He gathered intel every second of every day, and stored it away.  


If there was one lesson he had learned in all the back alleys and expensive hotel rooms where he met his "clients," it was trust no one. Tell no one your real plans if you want them to come to fruition. For months he had created a story, a story told through E'lan and extranet pseudonyms and junkies on streets and spaceships. How Remembrance Day would be the perfect day for a piece of political theater. Could it be more stupid, more obvious? But really, it couldn't be. Nothing was ever too stupid for all the people who were always so desperate to outsmart him.  


From the second he walked into the lab on Thessia, he looked for one thing—the weak link. And she was easy to find. Someone smart, ambitious—and broken by the war. And now she was snoring softly on his carpet, surrounded by all the toys junkies loved. He had told he could make her powerful, that he would take her away from this wrecked place, that he could help her forget. He gave her drugs, a little at first, then more and more. And more. And now, she only cared about one thing and in return, she gave him her allegiance. Lied for him, smuggled drugs and chemicals for him. Into the lab. Out of the lab. Whatever he asked for. Too easy . . .  


How could he sleep? He took another drag. Tomorrow, tomorrow was the day. Shepard would pay for being such a traitor, and everyone would know his name.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's one thing I'm learning from working on this story, it's that I should stick to fluff and angst domestic drama. 
> 
> But, that aside . . . here's the latest. We're going to keep pushing on through.
> 
> Thanks for reading, especially you exceedingly patient souls who have been here from the start.

Miranda woke from troubled sleep for the final time at around 4:30 a.m. After staring into the dark for awhile, she nudged Jack awake.  


"Babe, wake up."  


Jack pushed up a little, putting her left arm in front of Miranda and said "What's wrong?" groggily as she tried to check the dark room for trouble.  


Miranda smiled at Jack's protective gesture. "Nothing . . . everything. Nothing." she replied with a shake of her head.  


Jack turned to her. "What's up with you?"  


Miranda sighed "Come here" and pulled Jack toward her, till Jack was resting her head on her chest. "I want to tell you what Liara told me yesterday." Miranda outlined what Liara had said about Raffer and what was planned for the day. In the end she said, "I'm not sure Liara wanted me to tell you this. But she had to assume I would. I don't want you to be surprised, but I still don't even understand exactly what's going to happen." She sighed again, "I'm afraid I'm not much help. Please promise me you and Shepard will look out for each other."  


Jack peered up at her and made a face like nothing could be more obvious. "Yeah, of course. We always do. Miranda, it's going to be okay. Ever since you got here, I knew it was going to be okay. Don't worry." She climbed on top of Miranda then leaned down for a kiss. After, she pressed her forehead gently against Miranda's. "Really, don't worry."  


Miranda put on the most convincing smile she could and said, "I'll try."  


*****  


As he had done every morning for the past few weeks, Raffer woke Nara—the tech—with a shot in the arm. She roused slightly.  


"That was some good shit last night, huh?"  


Nara groaned slightly.  


"I'll mark that down as a yes. Time to get moving, my little tech"  


She groaned again, then said with annoyance, "I'm not your little tech. Can you give me two minutes, Joel?"  


"Perhaps you should ask yourself who's on whose floor here, sunshine. If you want a shower you better get in there right now. Otherwise, go to work dirty. Up to you, because I don't care."  


Nara pushed up and headed to the bathroom, throwing one more glance of annoyance over her shoulder. Joel watched her go, thinking, "Junkies are so pitiful." He lit another Bioptima joint for himself.  


When Nara was dressed and picking up her things, Raffer handed her a drinks container. "Into the fridge, like usual. Got it?"  


"Yes, I've got it."  


"Okay. Well, try to pull yourself together. You're gonna be late again." He started to nudge her toward the door with a "See you there." Raffer headed for the shower whistling.  


*****  


When Raffer arrived at work, he headed right for the fridge in the small kitchen. He pulled out the drinks containers he had sent in with Nara over the last 3 days. He smiled to himself. Addicts did have their uses.  


*****  


Each morning Raffer would sullenly call out trainees' names, and techs would give them injections as he checked their names off a list. But rather than his usual surly self, today Raffer was greeting everyone with a smile. After the shots, Raffer divided the group in two and said, "I'd like to quickly say a few words to everyone before we get started today. I want you to know our results have been exceeding expectations. We're going to do some more physical testing today to check against our baselines. Just continue to put forth your best effort, and I think we're going to have something very exciting to show the galaxy at the end of this. People are going to be talking about this lab and the work on biotics that has happened here—believe me."  


Raffer sent one group of trainees to the makeshift battle arena outside with Jack, and directed the second group to link up to tracking devices and start working out on the testing equipment inside the lab. He felt his heart began to race. Everything was unfolding as he had imagined it. He turned to Shepard and said, "I want to run some analyses on the computers in my office while these cadets are working out. You okay alone out here?"  


Shepard shrugged good-naturedly and said, "I think I can manage watching a bunch of kids on treadmills. Go crunch your numbers."  


Raffer turned to go down a short hall, and but only reached into his office to grab his bag. His smile grew even more smug as he headed to the environmental controls room down the hallway. Once in the room, he quickly combined the liquids from the 3 drinks containers. He slowly poured the resulting mixture into the filtration unit till it was soaked. Then he lowered the temperature setting so the system would begin to cool the air in a few minutes. The trainees who were working out would appreciate it. At first.  


He turned on his omnitool and started a countdown. Then he headed back to this office to watch the magic unfold on the monitors that showed him every inch of the lab.  


Once in the office, he looked at the monitors, then went to his computer to sign into his secondark account.  


He brought a message he had written the night before, but had saved to post this morning:  


"My fellow humans—today I come out from behind PrometheusAlpha to show you my real face. I want you to know who I am, and what I have done. I have leveled the playing field. For you. I have created drugs that will allow humans to increase their biotic abilities beyond the wildest dreams of our past. And I have created drugs that, should we choose to use them, we can use to block the biotic abilities of the Asari. I will post the evidence here as I can. For those who are curious, this is your first clue. There's a secret lab on Thessia and many of the galaxies most gifted biotics are gathered here. Hackers, there are vids to be found. Don't hold back. Let this be yet another proof that there is no match in the universe for human ingenuity. I am Joel Raffer. No matter what you see or hear over the next few days, remember this: what I have done is real, is proven, and will change the course of human history—and I did all of it for you."  


Raffer felt a swell of pride, something beyond his usual self-satisfaction. He, not Shepard, was humanity's true champion. And soon, everyone would know it. Very soon.  


He looked up just in time to see a trainee collapse off of a treadmill. He clicked to post the message, and whispered to himself, "Fuck yes!" He pulled out a pistol.  


*****  


Liara felt more relaxed than she had in weeks. Finally, today, Raffer would be taken care of and she could move to worrying about other concerns. Like Shepard's emotional state . . . On one monitor, she watched Hackett's Elite Response Team suiting up at a site a few miles from the lab, in their final preparations for the raid. Her curiosity was piqued by a block of text on Raffer's screen. As she started to zoom in on the text, she heard Athena start to cry. Turning to the monitor showing her room, she saw Athena was already on her feet and rocking the side of the crib with her hands. Liara stood up and glanced at the monitors one more time. If she could get Athena settled quickly, she would be back in time before all the action really started to happen. As she walked out the door, she didn't see the first trainee silently collapse behind her on monitor 14.  


*****  


Shepard rushed to the side of the trainee that had fallen. She made sure the machine was off, then knelt to check her pulse. At that very moment, a second trainee fell from another machine. Shepard had been waiting for Hackett's group to show up. Although she didn't know every last detail, this was not part of the plan as Liara had explained it to her. What the hell was going on? She yelled out "Raffer" in the direction of his office, but as she moved toward the second trainee she was stunned to suddenly hear two gun shots ring out from that same direction. She jumped up, typed a message to Jack, and ran toward the office as she reached for her own gun.  


*****  


Jack was watching trainees using throw fields to lift objects and hit small targets—or miss small targets—around a blind corner when her omnitool buzzed. She looked down to see a message from Shepard. It was just a single digit: 6. Jack knew it meant trouble and knew she should go to Shepard. Now. But she didn't know what was going on, and the cadets with her were under her care. She mulled her options. She glanced around the training area. It was shielded from the outside by high walls. There were no signs of trouble. If something was happening in the lab, this might be the safest place to be. But if something was happening in the lab, they might need everyone's help. She sighed and just made a decision. She'd have to live with it. Glancing quickly around the group, Jack chose the highest ranking trainee in sight.  


"Kowalski!"  


The trainee jumped and looked wide-eyed in her direction.  


"Ma'am?"  


"You're in charge for the next 7 minutes. If I haven't contacted you in 7 minutes, you bring the whole group into the lab. If there is any sign of trouble—anything— before that, bring the whole group back to the lab. You got that?"  


"Yes, ma'am."  


Jack started a quick jog toward the lab door.  


*****  


Shepard pushed open the office door and entered cautiously, questioning "Raffer?" to the surprisingly empty space. The crackling, smoking wreckage of Raffer's computer provided the second of distraction that allowed Raffer to bring the grip of his gun down on the back of her head with fury as he growled, "Right here, traitor." She crumpled to the floor. He kicked away her gun and closed the door.  


Raffer glanced at the monitors again. All of the trainees in the gym area were now incapacitated. Everything was going according to plan. Except Shepard being knocked out. He had planned to drug her into a compliant state. The drug was in his pocket. But the chance to crack her on the head had been so tempting, he couldn't stop himself. Stupid. But adrenaline was the most incredible upper. It pumped through his veins as he reached for the zipcuffs in his labcoat pocket. He was giddy as he tightened them, then leaned Shepard up against the wall.  


He wasn't even sure what he wanted anymore. He had planned to just use Shepard as a temporary trophy, the insurance policy for getting out of here to safety. But now, looking at her unconscious form, he almost wanted to kill her. Why had he thought that not killing anyone would make a stronger point? He had wanted to display his awesome restraint of his even-more awesome powers. He sighed. No time to reflect on all of that now.  


It was just that Shepard brought out so many conflicting emotions in him. "The ultimate human hero." The person who proved once and for all that the universe could only be saved by human ingenuity and bravery. And she had ruined it.  


She could have been the one to show human superiority once and for all, but instead she insisted on bringing in every other race to the fight. Even those fucking insect Rachni! She preached tolerance and cooperation among all the races, and went around telling everyone that the only way they could have ever defeated the Reapers was together. With disgust, he remembered images of her wedding day. Marrying an Asari—with a Turian, a Krogan, and a Quarian at her side! Along with fucking Miranda Lawson. And Jack . . .  


Almost at the second he thought her name, Raffer saw Jack appear on one of the monitors. She was at the door from the outside, calling to Shepard.  


Damn it. She was here too soon. Luckily, for him, she noticed a trainee on the ground and rushed to her side. He had a couple seconds at least. He grabbed his bag and his gun.  


Then Raffer quickly held something under Shepard's nose that made her rouse slightly. "Get up, soldier!" he barked. With effort, Raffer lifted the moaning Shepard to her feet and guided her toward the door of the office.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The action at the lab continues . . .

At the sound of the office door opening, Jack looked up from the unconscious but breathing Asari in front of her. As soon as she saw Shepard, she stood up slowly. Her biotics crackled almost imperceptibly.  


"Impressive restraint, Zero."  


Jack couldn't stop a grimace from crossing her face at the name. How did he know about that? Someone else in Cerberus . . . Not entirely sure how to proceed, she gestured at the trainees on the floor, and kept her voice calm. "What did you do to them? What did you do to Shepard?"  


"They'll be fine."  


Jack looked at Shepard, slumped against Raffer but standing on her own feet. Maybe drugged? She looked at the gun in Raffer's hand, poking into Shepard's ribs. "If that is true, just leave Shepard with me and get the hell out of here."  


Raffer let out a small laugh. "We both know the only way I'll be getting off this planet is with your friend." He spit out the last word with disgust.  


"What is this about? What do you want?" Jack felt like if she could delay him until the others arrived, they would be able to overcome him without Shepard getting hurt any further. She observed how he was struggling to keep Shepard on her feet. He seemed nervous, even in his anger.  


"I'm making a point. About biotics. About humans. What do I want? How about a better class of heroes for humans? Better than you—a not-too-bright, half-reformed psychokiller. Shepard—only too happy to let humans die by the thousands to save the stupid Council that was NEVER there for humanity when we needed them. She betrayed us. That whore you married . . ."  


Jack's biotics crackled again, and Raffer laughed. "She started off on the right track, but Shepard poisoned her mind against humans too. But I'm going to fix all of this. All the races of space will treat humans with the respect they deserve, or they will be punished. . ."  


Raffer's rant was cut short by Kowalski opening the door from outside. Another sound drifted in the door, but Jack couldn't place it.  


The trainee nervously croaked out "Ma'am?"  


As Raffer glanced in the direction of the trainee's voice, Jack made another split-second decision. She decided there was no way in hell she was going to let Raffer take Shepard out of there.  


*****  


The trainees who were there in the doorway at that moment, staring in on the scene—Jack standing 30 feet from Raffer who was holding a gun on Shepard—they could never agree amongst themselves exactly how to describe what happened next. Kowalski would say, "Like the room filled up completely with blue lightning. You couldn't even see. And then there was screaming . . ."  


When's Jack's biotics exploded across the space between her and Raffer, three things happened almost simultaneously: A pinpoint pulse of energy shot through the hand holding the gun, spraying blood on the wall and leaving only half a hand behind. A singularity lifted Raffer in the air. A shield began to glow between Jack, the trainees, and the floating, screaming form of Raffer. The gun clanged to the floor.  


"Holy shit!" Kowalski said under her breath (an expression she had picked up through constant use by her trainer). All the others stood in stunned amazement. Jack strained to hold everything in place. Then there was shouting. Loud shouting. Someone was yelling "Hands where we can see them." Soldiers were pushing the students aside with shields, guns drawn. When they saw Jack and Raffer, they stopped too. Jack realized the sound she had barely heard had been a shuttle with some sort of muffler.  


A soldier was yelling at Jack, "Drop him." And Jack was saying, "We're on the same side here! We're the good guys." Her peripheral vision was getting hazy. The soldier was glancing around at Raffer, at the motionless bodies on the floor, at Jack's uniform. He yelled more loudly "Drop him!" She did as she was told. There a loud crack when Raffer hit the floor, then more screaming.  


Jack was struggling to stay on her feet when she felt an electric cuff surround her wrist. "What the fuck?" She was being pulled backward. She felt the cuffs encircle her second wrist."What the . . . Hey . . . There's a gun over there. He had a gun . . ." She gestured the best that she could with her head.  


From behind a mirrored shield, the one who seemed to be in charge said "Get her out of here." Two soldiers were dragging her toward the door.  


Then Jack was outside again, where the trainees who had never made it back inside were being forced at gunpoint to sit on the ground. The rage building inside of her was only draining what remained of her energy. One trainee was turning to a soldier saying, "What's going on? We're Alliance. We're Alliance, and they're Asari military cadets in there. . ."  


A gruff response: "We just have to figure out exactly what is happening here. Sit here quietly and everything will be fine." Then the soldiers stood silent guard with covered faces.  


Jack had been deposited unceremoniously on the ground against the wall. She couldn't understand what was happening. Her brain felt scrambled worse than it had on the hardest drugs she had ever used. Whatever she had done with her biotics in there, it had taken almost everything out of her. Scanning through her memories, she couldn't remember doing anything like that. But maybe? A long time ago? She struggled to speak. "He poisoned them or something. Shepard's hurt in there . . ."  


Shepard's name evoked a response and a couple of the soldiers who were outside went back in. Jack looked at the group of trainees in front of her. Everyone from her morning group seemed to be accounted for. She recognized for the first time that they were all human. Just as this fact began to worry her, the laboratory erupted with gunfire.  


*****  


For the second time in less than an hour, Jack felt a growing panic. None of this was making sense. None of this was the plan. What if these guys were Cerberus, not Alliance at all? What if Shepard needed her? What if she never made it away from here, never saw Miranda again? Just as this thought was sinking to the pit of her stomach, she heard sirens. Lots of sirens.  


They were loud. Close. Closer. The fake battlefield began to fill with ambulances. Medics were flooding inside with stretchers and some gurneys. And then, there was Shepard, being carried out on a gurney, bleeding and arguing, trying to sit up. Jack's hope began to return at the sight. And Shepard saw her too.  


"Jack! Jack? Jack, I'm okay. Everything's okay. It's okay. It's okay." Then to the medics, angrily, "Why the hell is she in handcuffs?" Then Jack couldn't hear her anymore. Shepard was being put into an ambulance. But her own breathing began to calm. It's okay. She's okay. We're okay.  


*****  


Liara returned to the estate bunker, expecting to see Hackett's group at the lab. But immediately, she knew something was wrong. On one monitor, she saw blood on the wall. When she turned up the volume, she heard screaming. On another monitor, she saw that Jack was on the ground and appeared to have her hands restrained. What she couldn't see on any monitor was Shepard.  


Her voice shaking slightly, she said, "Glyph, call my father and tell her I need her here right away to take care of Athena. And bring Miranda here."  


*****  


A few moments after Shepard was taken away, some of the first soldiers to have arrived passed Jack carrying a body bag. So soon? But who? How? The medics gave up that quickly? Her mind searched for something solid to hold onto: "Is this real? Is someone really dead? Or is this just the plan? But Raffer ruined the plan, right? Or . . . was Raffer just part of the plan? And I blew his hand off . . . But the gun."  


She saw soldiers begin to help trainees to their feet, along with the medics. Other medics carried out Asari who had been unconscious. Now it looked like they were talking to the medics as they were being carried. That was good.  


But then another body bag. What? Just what? Was this the plan or not?  


A commander was approaching Jack. She wasn't sure where he had come from. He knelt down in front of her. "Captain Lawson, how are you doing?" She couldn't make herself respond. He punched a code into his Omnitool, and she felt the cuffs drop from her wrist. "I apologize for the cuffs. The situation didn't match our intel. It wasn't clear what was happening. I'm sure you understand." Then he was yelling out, "Can I get a medic here?"  


A medic came and was giving Jack water, then a protein bar, then some liquid electrolytes. He scanned her with some medical devices, and then he was talking to the commander but she couldn't quite hear their discussion. But the commander responded, "No, I'm going to need her to stay here a bit longer."  


Jack watched trainees climb into the back of ambulances six at a time to be driven out of the compound. Asari commandos and police began to arrive. The commander helped her to her feet, then they moved back inside. They had already put up sheets to obscure the far side of the lab. The commander pulled up a bench and gestured for Jack to sit.  


*****  


Jack turned to the commander. He smiled. "I'm Commander Ryan. Wes Ryan. I need to get a statement from you about what happened here, then we can get you to the hospital. Are you feeling better?"  


Jack asked, "Who's in the body bags?"  


Ryan nodded, "Ah, yes. Well, the first was a tech named Nara."  


An image flashed in Jack's head—a smallish, nervous Asari. Not as self-possessed as the others. She struggled to remember when she had last seen her. She couldn't. "Oh."  


"The second was Raffer."  


Jack reacted with genuine shock. "Raffer?"  


"My men tell me he reached for a gun."  


Jack instinctively felt it wasn't true. Other than Ryan's too-smooth delivery of the news, she knew that Raffer's dominant hand had been a bloody pulp. Not to mention that he had fallen at least 6 feet to a concrete floor . . .She didn't know what to think, so she stuck to her noncommittal "Oh. That was the gunfire. That's . . . I really don't know what to say."  


The commander considered her silently, then said, "I hear you pulled off quite a feat of biotics in there. Very remarkable. Even your fellow biotics were . . . surprised"  


"Uh, well, that asshole had a gun on my friend, and I was responsible for a bunch of people younger than me, so . . .you know . . ."  


"I don't know, actually. Do you know what sort of drugs you've been receiving during this trial?"  


Her eyes must have widened, because he responded, "I know what's been happening here. I'm not just the clean-up crew that comes in at the end and sweeps it all away. You can talk to me."  


Jack decided if he was lying, she'd lie too. Everything about him other than his words said she shouldn't talk to him. She wasn't supposed to know about the placebos anyway. Right? Her mind was so confused. As she had done many times in her life, she told herself to just go along, bullshitting as necessary until she could get out of the situation.  


"Oh. Okay. Sure. Well, the thing is . . . I don't know. I must be at a different pay grade than you. Commander."  


His smile lost some of its brightness this time. "Have you been taking any drugs on your own? Recreationally?"  


She was too pissed to lie: "No."  


"And yet you were able to . . ." His Omnitool buzzed. He stood and walked away to take the call. When he came back, he looked as pissed as she felt. But he forced one more smile and said, "I think our top priority now is to get you to the hospital."  


Her chest tightened slightly. "I don't need a hospital."  


"It's protocol. And Shepard is there. And her wife. And yours. So, let's head out. Those are my orders."  


As they left the building, Jack saw herself on a big monitor, holding Raffer in the air, screaming and bleeding. Alliance and Asari soldiers were watching the footage together. She and the commander walked to a waiting shuttle. The asari who closed the door for them gave her a long, curious stare. As the shuttle lifted off, Jack wanted to feel relieved. She knew she wouldn't really feel that way till she was back at the Estate. Maybe not till she was back on Earth . . .  


*****  


The shuttle dropped Ryan and Jack at a delivery door away from the entrance to the hospital where media trucks were massed. They went through maze-like hallways to get to the ER, but Ryan never seemed lost. He escorted her to a quiet, curtained area with a bed. There were doctors and nurses, other patients. Jack began to relax a little more.  


"Just rest for a moment. I'll get a doctor. And I'll have them bring you a meal."  


"You said Shepard was here. And Miranda?"  


"Yes. I'll find them." He seemed annoyed as he left. Somehow that made Jack feel better. Screw him. He was part of something weird, that much she knew in her gut.  


****  


Jack sat on the edge of the bed, on alert. Then she heard it. Miranda's footsteps. She'd recognize them anywhere. "Miranda, in here." Her voice sounded exhausted. She was standing by the time Miranda pulled back the curtain. She went to Miranda and pulled her against her with all of her might.  


Miranda embraced her silently for a moment, then said over Jack's shoulder, "Are you okay?"  


"Can you just get me out of here? Please. Like right now?" Jack's tone was somewhere between annoyance and fear. The tiredness was returning to her body now that she felt safe in Miranda's arms.  


"In a few minutes. But I'm going to be right here with you. I won't leave your side."  


Jack stepped back a little. "Is Shepard okay? Is she still here?"  


"She is. But she's fighting it. Like you. I'm sure Liara will have Hackett order you both out of here very shortly."  


Jack exhaled, "Not shortly enough. This day . . . was shit. Miranda, that . . . was not the plan. Right?"  


Miranda's laugh was a little bitter. "Right. Seems that Raffer was good at hiding his plans. But now that he's dead . . ."  


"He's not."  


Miranda considered Jack silently. Jack said quietly, "I mean, I don't think he is."  


Miranda sighed, "Okay. We'll talk about all of this when we're out of here. We'll all talk about what happened today."  


Jack sat back on the bed. "Let's talk about it tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to pass out." She rubbed her temples with her hands.  


Miranda sat next to her. "Tomorrow." She put her arm around Jack's shoulders. They sat in silence for a few moments, then Miranda said, "I love you."  


"I love you, too. It was fucking crazy today. I . . . got a little scared for a moment I wasn't going to make it back to you. That would've sucked. I just . . . I just really love you. Y'know? You know, right?" Jack tilted her head the way that drove Miranda wild and smiled almost shyly at her.  


Miranda smiled back as her heart melted. "I know. I always know. Jack . . . I am so sorry I ever said you should come here."  


Jack gave her a tired nod. "Oh, I'm going to find a way for you to make it up to me. Believe me."  


*****  


Commander Wes Ryan pushed open the door to the hospital morgue, followed by two aides. Once inside, he inhaled the cold, chemical-filled air. Why did all his assignments seem to end in morgues?  


He slid open a drawer, and unzipped the black bag inside. Joel Raffer peered up at him with terrified eyes. "Ready to talk yet, Mr Raffer?" he asked.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening of the lab attack . . .

Shepard's heart was racing; her head and chest felt like she was 60 feet underwater. All she wanted was to get away. This day had brought up too many feelings, too many memories; she needed to be somewhere safe to deal with them.  


As images from the lab and the fake battleground flashed on a monitor in the hospital room, headlines rolled across the top and bottom in a constant scroll:  


Alliance Attempt to Thwart Attack Moments Too Late  


Asari Tech, Alliance Chemist Dead in Terrorist Attack on Thessia  


The Threat from Within  


Attack on Biotics Training: The Latest in 5  


War Hero Shepard Wounded  


Shepard pushed off the bed awkwardly. "How do you turn this thing off?"  


Liara looked up from her omnitool, "I'm not sure you can. Love, you should stay in bed . . ."  


After futilely pushing a few buttons, Shepard went to the window: "I need to get out of here."  


"A few more minutes. Shepard, they want you to spend the night here. There are reporters outside, and I know you want to avoid them. I'm doing what I can to work this out as quickly as I can, I promise you."  


Shepard said with uncharacteristic urgency, "Liara . . ."  


Liara looked up from her arm for real now. "I know. Babe . . . I'm coordinating with my contacts. And Miranda. Just a few minutes more, then the four of us will leave here together. I promise." She reached to squeeze Shepard's hand.  


Shepard sighed, then nodded, "Ok. Ok. I just need to get home . . ." She went back to the bed and sat down, then held her loosely bandaged head in her hands.  


Liara went to sit next to her, "A few minutes . . ."  


*****  


15 minutes later, as Shepard and Liara arrived at the fifth floor landing of a back stairway, Miranda pushed open the door from the hall. Her arm was around Jack's waist. Jack's exhaustion made her look a little drunk.  


Jack and Shepard shared a look, then Shepard moved to embrace the younger woman. "You saved me." She patted Jack gently on the shoulder as she hugged her. Jack's chest swelled with pride, but she demurred, "Just paying you back . . . And Hackett's people were right there."  


Shepard stepped back shaking her head slightly. "No, that was all you. Even the asari were amazed." Liara and Miranda shared a look, then Liara said, "Come on, you two. We can talk away from here."  


They continued to a sublevel (a sublevel where many other unusual visitors went about their strange business, unseen). The foursome went through a laundry area and out to a delivery dock. A regular cab was waiting for them there, but the driver was an asari commando. As they walked up to the car, Shepard squeezed Liara's hand and said, "Thank you."  


Liara squeezed back and said, "Any time, Shepard. Every time . . ."  


****  


In the car, Jack leaned heavily on Miranda's shoulder, snoring slightly. Shepard stared out the window, an aura of silence like armor around her. Miranda and Liara shared a concerned look with sidelong glances at her, then Miranda said quietly, "Jack is convinced Raffer is still alive."  


Liara nodded slightly and said, "I'm sure he is. After we're settled at home, I'm getting on a call with Hackett and some of the matriarchs. I did not think today was going as planned, but now I'm beginning to wonder . . ." She sighed. "I guess none of us know who to trust anymore." A beat of silence, then she added, "Outside of this car, I mean." She gave Miranda a look.  


Miranda nodded back, but had nothing to add. Trust was still a sore subject.  


Liara said while peering at Jack, "Did you talk about what happened in the lab?"  


"Not really. She's exhausted. And scared, I think. She was focused on getting out of there."  


Liara sighed, "Shepard too. But you should. Talk. Jack's . . . display of her abilities . . . is a topic of intense discussion right now."  


Miranda sighed back. She pulled Jack a little closer with the hand that was wrapped around her waist. Somehow Earth felt further away than it had this morning.  


*****  


The room was cold. A strap held Raffer firmly to the table, while the body bag was still wrapped under his feet. There was a searing pain in his hand. But Raffer was beginning to feel comfortable. Commander Ryan—if that was his real name—had said the magic words: "I've been following your work for quite some time." Even better, he had proven it.  


The military man had come to sit next to the metal platform Raffer was on, and held up a datapad with structural formulas of alkaloids that Raffer had isolated from various plants, versions going back to even early in the Reaper War. He began to speak about the various forms knowledgeably. Then, Ryan really gave himself away, saying, "So can you tell me which of these you have been testing on Captain Jack Lawson?"  


Raffer made his voice as serious as he could, and prepared to lie as necessary as he nodded at Ryan reassuringly. He thought to himself, "Every single thing you want to hear . . . I will tell you." He also thought, for the first moment since Jack had blasted his hand apart, "I am going to get away from here." Out loud he said, "Flip back to the third screen you showed me . . . " Then, with a slight groan, "Do you think I could have a little more medigel?" Ryan gestured to one of his aides, and Raffer hid a smile. People were so easy.  


*****  


In a different room on that same sublevel, Nara woke to a bright light in her eyes. She was on her back—hungover, uncomfortable, cold, and confused. She felt something wrapped around her legs. When she was losing consciousness back at the lab, she had thought that was the end. She was even—almost—ready for it to be.  


The last thing she could vaguely remember was gunfire echoing in her ears. And maybe screaming? Now another asari stood over her, but her eyes couldn't adjust quickly enough to the brightness to make out her features. The other asari spoke to her: "So, you've destroyed your life, Nara. Would you like another one?"  


Nara couldn't form an answer before the other continued to speak. "Today has been a very chaotic day, and right now you are dead. But . . . there is so much misreporting in chaos. Nara, the lab tech with the addiction slowly killing her and everything she ever wanted for herself . . . maybe she is actually still alive. Or maybe she is really dead. Now you could be someone new. Go out into the universe and serve your people with honor. What do you think?"  


Nara croaked out, "I ... I don't know. I don't know what's happening . . ."  


The other asari began to slide through screens on a datapad. "No family to speak of. Half-siblings, but a large age difference. Intelligent. Honorable service in the war, at first, and an upward trajectory through the ranks. But then drug use began. A very common story. Then you got clean—admirable, takes strength of character. Switch career focus. But you fell in with Joel Raffer. Bad luck there. A charismatic manipulator with the purest drugs you've probably ever encountered. Perhaps you are even his lover . . ."  


Nara made a sound of objection.  


". . . I don't care either way."  


"I'm not."  


"Well, you can still show some good judgement . . . I know the matriarchs are interested in anything you have to say about him. Things he told you or showed you. Obviously your addiction led you to overlook his . . . belief system. Right?"  


Nara hesitated, "Right?"  


"I was looking for an anwer, not a question."  


"Right."  


"And you knew nothing of his plans."  


"No."  


"But maybe you helped him? Without knowing what you were doing?"  


Nara's pulse quickened. She knew she had. Even though she hadn't known. But they knew she had. And why would they believe her? Would she ever get out of here?  


"So, now. You could spend some time getting clean, get a little feature-altering surgery . . . and you could live a very adventurous life. Work for the matriarchs, in different worlds, on starships. Sober. Away from your past. Free. I can give you an hour to consider this offer."  


Nara spoke up quickly now, "No, no . . . I want it. I accept your offer. I want to serve my people. I want a new life."  


Azada leaned forward out of the light and patted Nara on the shoulder. "I suspected you'd say yes." She smiled. "Just a little longer in this body bag, and you'll be free. We'll be moving you to a safe house soon. An addiction medic will meet you there, and I'll be there later to interview you a bit more. You've made an excellent choice. Trust me. I made it myself once."  


Nara wondered exactly what had just happened, but she said, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much."  


Azada moved to walk out of the operating room thinking that the top qualification for a certain sort of government operative—the kind that is a pawn—is simply being easy to manipulate. She sighed and told herself at least Nara was better off now than she had been the day before . . . She hoped it was true.  


Behind her, Nara began to cry. From relief or fear, she wasn't sure.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up where the last chapter ended.
> 
> Still continuing the night of the lab attack . . . and into the early morning hours of the next day.

After she had gotten Shepard as settled as she could in the bedroom and checked in on Athena, Liara headed to her bunker to call Hackett. He was already in conversation with some matriarchs. Tired, Liara began by simply saying, "So Raffer is alive?"  


Hackett responded evenly, "That was always our intention, which you knew."  


Liara rubbed her forehead, "Yes, I know. I was just not sure how much of the original 'plan' was still operational."  


"It's true that Commander Ryan had to make some judgement calls in a fluid situation, but that was no different from what I would expect from Shepard in similar circumstances."  


"But why is this the first we're hearing of Commander Ryan? The name I last saw as head of the ERT was . . ." she glanced down at one of her many datapads, "Commander Shah."  


"Commander Ryan specifically requested to lead this operation . . ."  


"And did that arouse any suspicions?" Liara asked sharply.  


Hackett smiled for a microsecond, then said, "It most certainly did. Liara, you've had a long day . . ."  


"We all have. I've had my system scanning channels for hours. I want to offer any additional information or analysis that might be useful . . ."  


Hackett interrupted her: "I appreciate that, but you have Shepard to take care of. You've been with us from the beginning on this operation. Trust us to handle things till morning." Liara heard a few of the matriarchs murmur.  


She paused, calculated, then finally said, "I intended no offense, Admiral."  


"None taken. Now, let Shepard know I'm expecting a full recovery, as always."  


Liara was nodding, putting on a smile. "Yes, I will. I should get back to her. Good night, all. I will check in in the morning." She ended the call.  


For a few silent moments, she weighed the variables of the situation. Ryan had Raffer. Maybe Ryan wanted to keep Raffer. How could he make that happen? He would have to leave with him . . . Liara punched another number in to her omnitool. In a second, the small image of a groggy and annoyed Aria T'Loak was gazing at her.  


"T'Soni . . . you are aware of the hour?"  


"Aria, you know I don't contact you unless it's important."  


"Is Shepard okay?"  


Liara sighed, "She will be. Listen, do you have any shuttle mechanics or pilots on Thessia that I can borrow? Or buy? Or just talk to?"  


Aria gave her a long look. "Hmm. Liara, I want to tell you something, as a friend. I have more legitimate credits in my accounts tonight than I have probably had in years . . ."  


Liara cocked her head, unsure how to interpret this. "And?"  


"And anything you're worried about . . . you shouldn't worry about."  


Liara began to question further, but Aria said, "I've got to go. Go take care of your bondmate." She ended the call on her end. Liara pondered Aria's response. So Hackett and the matriarchs were a step ahead of her. She just hoped Ryan wasn't a step ahead of all of them.  


*****  


Ryan and Raffer had been talking intensely about synthesizing plant alkaloids for about 15 minutes. The medigel was really taking effect and Raffer was feeling pretty good. Suddenly, Ryan said, "You are an egotistical little prick, but it would be shame for you to be court-martialed and executed."  


Raffer said, "A total waste."  


Ryan laughed. "So I'm guessing your plan was to escape past Council space and start selling some drugs."  


"Something like that."  


Ryan added, "With a side of what you take to be revolutionary politics. Maybe even killing Shepard?" Raffer didn't respond this time.  


"But you've got a problem now. You're inconveniently dead. You need a partner."  


"You?" Raffer said this dismissively.  


Ryan continued, "As it happens, I mostly agree with your politics. Although probably not that Shepard business . . . "  


"This is an interesting interrogation tactic. Am I supposed to be bonding with you now? Because you imagine yourself as a good chemist? And these two gentlemen . . ." With a nod of his head, Raffer indicated the aides who stood by silently. "Are they the bad cops?"  


Ryan ignored Raffer's tone and pressed on with all he had planned to say: "Let me tell you, Joel. For the last five years I've surveilled secondark.ea for Alliance brass. I've reported on a lot of delusional and even dangerous people. I've also watched a lot of dedicated soldiers lose their careers because they happened to believe in putting humans first. That doesn't really feel right to me. I've had enough of taking orders and firing good men. And these two? Let's say they're happy to help us out for the privilege of raking in the credits your drugs will bring."  


Raffer said, "There's no us. I prefer to wait to talk to your superiors."  


Ryan inhaled then approached Raffer with a smile. With all of his strength, he punched him in the nose. He then leaned down uncomfortably close to Raffer's stinging face.  


"Surprise, Joel—I'm the bad cop. You think you have a play here? Note the fucking body bag wrapped around your feet. I'm your play, moron. Or maybe you prefer the execution option we discussed before? Or a lifetime held at a black site? I do sense a certain weasel-y self-hatred beneath all your bravado . . ."  


Raffer spat out, "If the Alliance wanted me dead, I'd be dead already. I have nothing else to say to you."  


"Self-hatred . . . definitely." Ryan pulled his fist back again, and Raffer flinched and turned away. But Ryan didn't punch this time, he just shook his head. "Such a weasel-y little bastard. But my weasel-y bastard. Yes, Alliance officials are expecting you back tomorrow morning, but we're leaving tonight." His omnitool buzzed and he smiled at the message. "In fact, we're leaving in about 10 minutes. We're going to be working together, Joel. It's up to you if it's any fun for you or not."  


*****  


A mile away, in a private apartment, Hackett was sitting with a matriarch talking about the war when his omnitool buzzed. He nodded to himself, then smiled at her.  


"That's the shuttle pilot. We should get going."  


*****  


Ryan turned to one of the other men, "Get the case" and that aide went to the hallway. When he returned in a moment, he was pushing a large container for shipping medical supplies. Probably left over from the war, Raffer thought. He tasted his blood in his throat and on his lips. He thought, "I'm still alive, and he wants me alive. I just have to wait it out. I can outsmart this idiot someday. Just not today." The next thing he knew, Ryan was coming to zip up the bag.  


"Don't worry. I'll leave it a little open. Once we're in the shuttle—and you've decided to be more grateful—we'll get you out of this thing once and for all."  


Raffer didn't reply, and kept his face stony.  


"Alright. See you later, weasel." As the zipping continued, Raffer closed his eyes and worked to calm his breathing.  


*****  


At the T'Soni estate, Jack was lying naked in bed, staring into the darkness. Miranda had reassured her that she had passed on her suspicions about Raffer to Liara and after that it had seemed Jack would drift off to sleep. They lay there silently holding hands, Miranda gently caressing Jack's thumb with her own. But sleep didn't come. Finally, Miranda said "Do you want to talk about what happened?"  


"Liara said something?"  


"Not exactly. Just that I should talk to you. But I figured when you were ready, you would talk."  


Jack sighed. "Miranda, I don't even know what to say. There's video, if you want to see. I'm sure Liara has it, down in her secret bunker. I blew that guy's hand off with like fucking pinpoint accuracy. And some other stuff . . ."  


"Other stuff?"  


"Just regular biotics stuff. But maybe . . . a little more than most people can manage at once."  


Miranda made a thoughtful, questioning sound, then said, "Maybe?"  


"Fine, definitely more. I think they think it's the drugs."  


Miranda's heart quickened a little. "You think you were getting drugs after all?"  


"No. Definitely not. But that's what I think they think. They always think it's them and their drugs and their tests. And, maybe it's better to let them think that, than to let them know . . ."  


"Know what you can do without drugs?"  


"Right. Miranda, you know—I'm always holding it back. Ever since I was a kid and figured out what they wanted from me, I've known I can't just let it go without risking . . . totally losing it. I know what happens when I do. There's a bunch of Reaper forces that ended up in bloody chunks that know it too. But after the war, I just . . . hold it down."  


"I know."  


"I have to hold it down."  


"I know, babe."  


"But that asshole had a gun on Shepard. I was responsible for all those people."  


Miranda squeezed her hand, "Jack, I know. You did what you had to to save her and everyone else. And everything is fine."  


Jack sighed again, "Everything's not fine. There's still some bullshit going on. I'm still doing what they want me to do. And this shit fucks with my head. I'm going to have a fucking nightmare tonight. And probably tomorrow. And the next night . . ."  


Miranda reached out to rub circles on Jack's upper chest. "I know. I know. I'm sorry, babe. I know . . . the nightmares will come. All I can say is I'll be right here with you."  


"Yeah, I know. And I'm glad. I just wish . . . I just don't want to be ripping guys apart anymore. I don't want to be training other people to do it. But what the fuck else can I do? Without the Alliance, I'd be in prison. Plus, how can I trust anyone else with the kids who come to the Academy? Fuck. Fuck everything. I mean, not everything. I'm just so fucking tired . . .."  


"Come here." Miranda pulled Jack close and kissed her forehead. "Jack, I love you. I know you don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I know. When we get back to Earth, we're going to figure out what we can change. Whatever you want, Jack, we will try to make it happen. I know it's complicated, for many reasons. We're not going to resolve it tonight, but we will work on figuring something out, I promise."  


*****  


Up on the hospital roof, Ryan walked up to the pilot as his assistants secured 4 medical carts in the back of the shuttle. He leaned down to provide coordinates and discuss the flight plan. As their discussion continued, one of the aides walked to the front and asked the pilot pointedly, "We got everything we need?"  


As soon as the pilot nodded, the aide quickly pushed a syringe into Ryan's neck. Ryan turned around with a look of surprise and anger, but collapsed before he could react any further. The man with the syringe turned around and said, "Mike, come help me with the bad cop." They both laughed.  


"God, I will not miss dealing with this jackass," Mike said as they moved to dump the unconscious Ryan into one of the other medical carts.  


As they were closing this second cart, and releasing the cart holding Raffer from the shuttle wall, a group of Eclipse sisters poured through the door to the roof. Behind them walked Hackett and a matriarch in a hood.  


The Alliance men rolled both the carts out of the shuttle. Hackett opened the lid to one and peered down at Ryan. He said to the matriarch, "This one is mine. Do you want to check yours?"  


"After everything? I trust you, Admiral. You've made a wise decision."  


Hackett nodded, and replied, "I agree. Thank you for your help with this." Then he said to the men, "Alright, get back on that shuttle, and let me know what you find at those coordinates as soon as possible. We'll deal with everything on this end."  


Within a few moments, four additional shuttles landed on the roof. One took the cart with Ryan and some Eclipse mercs, one took the cart with Raffer and the matriarch and the rest of the mercs, while the third took Hackett alone. After that flurry of activity, the door to the roof opened one more time. Azada strode purposefully to the last shuttle on the roof. Somewhere far below, Nara was sleeping restlessly in the back of a laundry truck as it pulled away from the dock. No longer a hub of intrigue and violence, the hospital returned to being simply a place of healing. Darkness, silence, and peace descended over it in the final hours before dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing has sprawled out of control, but one more chapter and we'll be through it!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We continue with the early morning hours of the night of the lab attack. 
> 
> Basically, dialogue between Shepard and Liara and between Jack and Miranda. This discussion between Liara and Shepard was one of the things I imagined from the very beginning of this story, so I'm excited to finally get to it!
> 
> I was sort of planning to only update one last time, but once again, this story keeps sprawling. As I said from the beginning, too, I'm along for the ride here.

When Liara returned to the bedroom, Shepard was already asleep. Although her sleep was fitful, she couldn't be roused easily and Liara thought it was better to let her rest.  


Shepard was having nightmares. Banshee after Banshee in an endless Battle of London. Then the Citadel filled with blood and body parts—crawling through it, swimming through it, swallowing it. And finally the little boy—always the little boy. On fire. But he wasn't in the forest anymore. He was right at the foot of her bed, just staring at her. And all around him, crying women and crying asari.  


"It's not real. It's not real. Not this time," Shepard told herself, struggling to take control of the dream, to wake herself up. In desperation, she began to scratch and poke at her eyes in the dream. And then crying was infiltrating the nightmare, filling her ears and her head. And she thought she was waking up, but it just wouldn't stop . . .  


"Make it stop!" Shepard said suddenly and desperately, filled with confusion.  


Liara was already sitting up, struggling to wake up after so little sleep. She reached back to pat Shepard's shoulder and said, "I'm going to get her right now."  


"Liara, I can't take it. I can't take it." Her eyes still closed, Shepard grasped her head with her left hand and her chest with her right. She groaned, then began to cry. In that second, Liara knew this wasn't just irritated exhaustion. Even without a meld, she felt the grief spilling out of her bondmate. She knew in her heart that Shepard was letting go of whatever she had been holding back for so long . . .  


Athena continued to cry, and Liara punched a number into her omnitool as she said, "Shepard, hold on. Then, "Jack, I'm sorry. I know it's very early. Can you please come get Athena for a few moments? I'm afraid Shepard is feeling . . . sick, and I can't leave her right now. I'll come to pick her up as soon as I can. You can just walk with her or take her back to your room. I won't be too long, I hope."  


Jack was awake in a second. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there."  


Struggling to control her breathing, and with tears sliding down her cheek from beneath her hand, Shepard said, "God, I'm failing her. I know I am. I know I am. I'm so sorry." Her voice was strained, and she was shaking her head back and forth, trying to empty her head of the pain.  


"Shepard, I don't know what you're talking about." Liara rubbed her wife's upper arm.  


Shepard raised her head a little and her haunted eyes met Liara's: "Do you know what I hear when I hear her crying?"  


"I don't. But talk to me and we will deal with it. It will be alright."  


Shepard pushed herself up to sitting, then pulled her knees toward her chest. "Liara, it won't be. I'm not alright! All I hear when I hear my own daughter crying for me . . ." Shepard choked on a sob. "All I hear . . . is a thousand other asari daughters crying for moms who are never coming home. Because of me." Instead of looking at Liara again, she leaned her forehead on her knees. "Because I failed them. I failed Thessia. I failed you!"  


"Shepard, you have never failed me. You are not responsible . . ."  


"Don't you see that every time it ever mattered . . . every time it ever mattered to me . . ." Shepard poked her chest to punctuate this "I failed? All the people I couldn't save . . ."  


Liara rubbed Shepard's back, unsure how to proceed. It seemed like the best thing to do was listen as Shepard kept talking. But sometimes she worried that Shepard might slip too far into despair if she left herself go there. Like maybe she'd get to a place she couldn't get back from. The situation felt precarious. She wanted to suggest initiating a meld, but she wondered if it was helpful for Shepard to give air to these thoughts, to get them out of whatever dark place she had locked them, to separate herself from them. If that was possible . . .  


Shepard held our her hands and pointed to her fingers as she talked on. "Mordin. Thane. Ashley. Oh, Ashley . . ." She shook her head again. "That little boy on Earth . . . And every OTHER little boy on Earth . . ." 

She laughed a desperate laugh. She finally was looking into Liara's eyes again. "You know they used that against me. They knew. The reapers knew. They could feel my guilt. Seeing that boy die . . ." Shepard let out another groan of despair.  


Liara took the opportunity to interject "You saved . . .so many . . . from the Reapers. All of us who are still here now, and everyone who comes after . . . It's because of you." But Shepard wasn't hearing her. She continued with her list.  


"Anderson—that man was like a father to me. And just like my own father, I watched him die. Like my own mother! Just watching them die . . ." Again, she was shaking her head, crying more quietly now, lost in a broken disbelief.  


Athena could no longer be heard, presumably safe in Jack's care. An electric silence filled the air in the room, making it hard to breathe.  


Finally, Liara said, "Shepard, I know you feel like you failed, but no one could have done more . . ." Liara realized she was crying too.  


Shepard laughed now with a hurt anger. "All anyone wants to do is tell me what a huge fucking hero I am. Well, I can't even hold my own daughter in my arms without being reminded of how completely untrue that is." Shepard turned to Liara with a tear-streaked face: "Or my wife." The anger flowed away and instead sorrow flooded Shepard again; she looked as small as Liara had ever seen her look.  


"Shepard, no." Liara embraced her, and Shepard didn't resist. Liara pulled her as close as she could and simply said, "My love, you are everything to me, and I know you. The truth is, you gave everything you could. No one could ask any more from anyone." Shepard held onto Liara like she grasping for anything solid. They sat there holding each other for a long time, Liara rubbing Shepard's back, rocking her ever so gently.  


Liara thought back to when Shepard had awoken from her coma after the Battle of London. How, when they were alone, she had wordlessly sobbed. In the time since then, Shepard seldom expressed her grief. The civilizations of the galaxy began to rebuild. Life went on. There was hope again. Safety. Joy. But the war never ended for those who had to kill and keep living, for those who had lead others to death, but lived on. Every day of their lives, they carried the invisible weight, grateful and guilty in every second.  


Liara waited till she could feel Shepard's heartbeat and breathing calm before she said another word. Finally, she leaned back, wiped a tear from Shepard's cheek, then said quietly, "Shepard . . . all this pain." She sighed deeply, "I know there are things I can't carry for you. I know if you could have, you would have saved every living soul in the galaxy. But you couldn't. We can't change it. And I wouldn't change it. Millions live—in peace—because of everything you did. Including me. Including Athena. I know you are not perfect, but you did not fail. You are my heart, Shepard. I love you."  


Shepard continued to hold on in silence. Finally, all she could say was, "Liara, I love you too. I always have and I always will. And I love Athena. With all my heart. I just feel so much guilt sometimes, being here to love you."  


"I'm sorry, Shepard. But all those people you mentioned, they would want you to keep loving us, just as you would want for them if the situation were reversed."  


Shepard sighed. "Liara . . . I know it would probably be better if I talked to you about all this more . . . but I can't." She ran her hand over the top of her head and sighed again, then said, "Please don't make me go to the Remembrance Day gala tonight. I can't stand there and look at photos of orphans and listen to speeches . . ."  


Liara knew a lot of people would be disappointed, maybe even angry, if Shepard didn't attend the fundraiser, but she nodded and cut her off: "We will stay here together. You and me and our daughter. Our family. Shepard whatever you need, that is what we'll do. Whatever you ever need, you tell me, and I will make it happen."  


Shepard nodded, then leaned forward to kiss Liara. "I know. I count on it, believe me. Whoever I saved, you saved me. And I think . . . I think I need to go get Athena now."  


Liara nodded back and said with a smile, "Go."  


****  


Jack walked back into the bedroom with a still-sniffling Athena on her hip.  


From the bed, Miranda asked, "Do you think I should go check on Shepard?"  


Jack said, "Nah. I don't think she's actually sick. I, um, I heard her crying." Jack kept walking and patting Athena's back.  


"Oh," Miranda replied. She remembered the moment in the car the night she had arrived, Shepard's sadness seeming to overtake her. She thought, too, of the many long nights with Jack's nightmares. Last night's bad dreams didn't have much chance against Jack's exhaustion. Each time she cried out, Miranda gently shook her, pulled her close, and whispered, "I'm here." Each time, Jack slipped back to sleep immediately.  


Miranda continued, "It does seem like she's struggling. And another head injury . . ."  


Jack, still walking with Athena, who was no longer crying: "Yeah . . . I'm sure some nights get pretty rough for her. She always keeps her cool and it kind of makes you forget everything she's been through." Then Jack looked Athena, "Do you wanna walk a little?" An immediate whimper rejected the idea.  


"Okay, okay. I'm a little tired here, kid. Let's sit." Jack moved to the edge of the bed, and put Athena on her knee facing her. "Horsey?"  
Athena smiled.  


"Hold on then." Jack held out her hands and Athena's little blue fingers wrapped around them. Jack bounced her knee slowly for a few seconds, "Up the mountain . . ." then faster "Down the mountain!"  


In a minute, Athena was giggling. Despite her incredible cuteness, Miranda found she couldn't look away from Jack's smile. So happy, so beautiful. Soon, Shepard, not Liara, appeared in the doorway.  


"Someone riding through the mountains again?"  


Athena turned quickly, "Daddy!" She let go of Jack's hands to reach toward Shepard, and Jack grasped her hips.  


"Hey, baby," Shepard was smiling but looked exhausted.  


"You feeling okay now, Shepard?"  


"Approaching okay, but still waiting for permission to dock . . ." She put her hands under Athena's arms and began to lift her, but Jack still held on loosely. "I can carry her back to your room if you want."  


"No, I've got her." Shepard lifted Athena high, then held her tight. She kissed her cheek, then said, "You wanna go see mommy?" Athena nodded with a smile.  


"Thank you, Jack."  


"No problem."  


Shepard stood there for a minute, then added, "I mean for everything."  


Jack stood up. "Nah, I should be thanking you. We all should." Shepard wondered if Jack had listened in on her conversation with Liara. But then she doubted it. Jack had said stuff like that many times since she had gotten here. Shepard was too tired to go through the niceties of arguing over who owed more to whom, so she simply shook her head, inhaled, then returned her attention to Athena. "Alright, Athena, we should go. We'll leave these two to who knows what." She turned to walk away.  


Jack called after her, "Sleep, Shepard. Sleep. You should try it."  


From the hallway, Shepard replied, "Never heard of it."  


Jack lay back down in the bed and reached for Miranda's hand again. After a couple seconds of silence she said, "It must have been so hard for you to leave Oriana with other people. I guess I'm just starting to really realize . . . " She turned toward Miranda.  


"It was," Miranda said, giving away no emotions. "But it was the right thing to do. I loved her enough to do it."  


"Yeah. I know, I know. I'm sorry, though."  


Miranda sighed and shrugged, "When you have no choice about something, you have to find a way to live with it." But she wasn't just thinking of Oriana. She wanted to say how sad she felt, not being able to have a baby. How she wanted to have that with Jack so much. But she was too tired. Jack was too tired. There were too many other things going on. She kept her silence.  


On the other side, Jack wished she would say what she was thinking. She saw the way Miranda looked at her with Athena. But she didn't know how to bring it up. It was too hard right now. She was too tired. She pushed herself up, said, "Still sorry," and moved to give Miranda a kiss on the cheek.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the lab attack and the beginning of the night of the Remembrance Day gala. Miranda and Jack get flirty at the end.
> 
> I know, readers, you have no reason to believe anything I say about this story at this point, but, really, [really!] there will be only one more chapter after this. It's definitely been a learning experience . . .

A few hours later, Liara called Jack again, saying, "You two might want to come to the kitchen and see this."  


When Miranda and Jack walked into the kitchen, Athena was nestled in Shepard's lap, almost asleep again. Liara was watching a news report on a datapad and she projected it on the wall when they sat down. On the wall, Admiral Hackett was stepping through burning wreckage with Asari police officials. Liara turned the sound up, as the anchor began to report:  


"Returning to our top story, you're seeing live coverage of Admiral Hackett of Alliance Command inspecting the site of an early morning shuttle crash. Hackett was scheduled to arrive later today to attend tonight's Remembrance Day Gala fundraiser, but changed his schedule to arrive earlier after the incident yesterday at the joint biotics training facility. Our Elina Renado is at the scene. Elina, what can you tell us?"  


"Well, Talia, the story here is still evolving, and details may change in the coming hours. Right now, my reporting indicates that the private shuttle that crashed here last night was hired by Alliance Commander Wes Ryan to move the body of dead Alliance chemist Joel Raffer—killed when he resisted being taken into custody after perpetrating yesterday's biotics training incident—to an Alliance ship. Moving the body had been officially scheduled for this morning according to information the media had received from the Alliance.  


"Now the discovery of a large amount of highly potent, synthesized Bioptima here at the crash site is bringing scrutiny to Commander Ryan's motives for rescheduling the move of the body. Because Ryan suffered serious injuries in the crash, neither Alliance nor Asari authorities have been able to interview him yet. It is unclear what precipitated the crash, but early indications point to a mechanical failure."  


The reporter turned to some motion behind her. "Talia, it looks like they are moving the body of Joel Raffer right now, so I think it would be appropriate to return our coverage to you in the studio. We will be doing further interviews here and will bring you any further information as we are able to confirm it."  


"Thank you, Elina . . . "  


Liara turned the sound back down. On the screen, two Alliance soldiers were moving a body bag, under Hackett's watchful eye.  


Jack said incredulously, "What the fuck is going on now?"  


Miranda, Shepard, and Liara all said "Jack!" with varying degrees of chastisement.  


Jack said more quietly, "What the freak is going on?" Miranda just smiled.  


Liara said, "I think Hackett is wiping away all the fingerprints."  


"So, is Raffer actually dead or what?"  


"I don't think he is dead, but he is definitely gone. We won't have to worry about him anymore. I suspect this is the last we'll hear of Ryan as well."  


"Good. That guy was a motherf... mother . . . too."  


Liara said, almost to herself, "I should've known I could trust Hackett and the matriarchs to see this through."  


Jack asked more quietly, "Do you think that tech is still alive?"  


Liara shrugged slightly. "I think it's probable. If I had to guess, I'd say she's been recruited into service for the matriarchs. Of course, we will still have to go to her funeral."  


"Sure, why not? This whole trip has been insane. Why not throw a fake funeral into the mix?"  


Liara added seriously, "Remember, for others there, it will be real."  


Jack shook her head, "I don't know how you secret operative types live with all these lies."  


Liara shrugged, and said, "We all do what we have to do." Jack cast a sidelong glance at Miranda, remembering her words from earlier.  


Jack shrugged, too, "Yeah, I guess. I mean, yeah, I know. Still . . ."  


There was silence for a few moments, then Shepard finally spoke, having stared intently at the footage the whole time. "That impact crater should be a lot larger, considering the amount of damage to that shuttle."  


Miranda said, "Agreed. You should let Hackett know. The less you give to the conspiracy theorists, the better . . ."  


Liara chimed in, "Well, you know . . . it really depends on the situation. Sometimes sowing as much doubt as possible on all versions of the story can be beneficial."  


Jack shook her head more vigorously than before, saying, "This is all so . . . . fu . . ." She glanced at Athena. " . . . messed up. I don't want to know about this stuff. I want to go back to just suspecting it all the time."  


Even discussing these topics, the tone between the four of them was light. After the secrecy and lies and fear and confusion, there was relief. It felt like everything was coming to a resolution. All 5 of them were safe.  


Shepard turned to Jack and Miranda and said, "So, I have a big favor to ask you two. Unfortunately for you, Jack, it involves getting dressed up. On the other hand, I have just the outfit for you . . . "  


****  


The first thing Raffer noticed was that he was lying on something soft. The second, that he wasn't restrained at all. That was all a relief after the bag, and the slab, and the strap, and the box . . . As his vision focused, he realized a matriarch, flanked by two armed Asari guards, was watching him through a thick, floor-to-ceiling glass wall. He instinctively went to push up to a sitting position, but his hand, though now surrounded by some kind of charged field, was still painful and essentially useless. He slid down to his elbow with a small groan.  


The matriarch spoke. "Don't worry, Dr. Raffer, I think we will be able to repair your hand to almost as good as original, between biotics and robotics . . . and a little Asari ingenuity. I'm not sure if you've heard, but it's the finest in the galaxy."  


Raffer grimaced slightly, but had no response. He glanced around the cell that held him. 20 feet by 15, the glass wall connecting with 3 cinder block ones. Small round windows were high above his head, so there was no view to outside. Through the glass wall, he saw lab equipment. So, no Ryan? He had felt confident in his ability to deal with that joker. (Obviously, someone had beaten him to that.) This situation . . . was a little more complex. He looked at the matriarch and said, "So where am I?"  


"This is your home, Joel. You'll be our guest for the rest of your life, however long that might be."  


"The Alliance has turned me over to you?"  


"So it seems."  


Raffer nodded, searching for options, but knowing there were none.  


The matriarch gestured behind her with a slight smile. "This facility has a state-of-the-art laboratory. You are certainly welcome to carry on your research here. I guess the question is, can you stand to carry on, knowing you'll never receive any credit? Worse yet—that we will. Of course, you won't have to see the galaxy's admiration for the discoveries we would steal from you. There is no extranet here. Not even monitors that download the news. This is not just your home; it is your entire universe."  


She went on, "I must confess, I cannot fathom why the Goddess has given your intellectual gifts to such a pathetic and hateful creature. But it is not for us to ask such questions. And it seems justice has been served. So, work—or don't work. It is your choice."  


"Perhaps you will choose instead to concentrate on spiritual growth. Human lives are short, so that would be a worthy use of your time. I'm sure we could acquire any books or other materials you would need for that purpose. If I were you, I would start by reexamining my life up till now. This seems an . . . undesirable endpoint. But you still have some time." She paused, still with that slight smile on her face, then said, "I leave you in the capable hands of these matrons."  


As he watched the matriarch turn to walk away through the lab, Raffer struggled to control the rage and hopelessness swelling inside him.  


*****  


Jack and Miranda agreed to attend the Remembrance Day fundraising gala in Shepard and Liara's place with the story that Shepard was still recovering from the attack. And, really, that was the truth. Shepard dug out an old uniform she had had when she was a young cadet—tight black pants and a form-fitting, double-breasted military jacket with brass buttons. It looked almost tailored for Jack. Miranda said Jack looked quite dashing. Jack said, "I don't even know what that means, but this might as well be a straitjacket. Damn." She adjusted her shoulders. But, Miranda caught her checking herself out—twice—in the mirrors of the ballroom where the gala was being held.  


After the video tributes and the speeches and the silent auction, there was dinner and making small talk ("Yes, Shepard is still recovering from her concussion. She really was disappointed to miss this." "Oh, I'm afraid I can't talk about anything that happened at the lab.") with large numbers of bigwigs whose names Jack had already forgotten. She was worn out as dessert arrived. As the conversations died down a little, she turned to Miranda and said with a sigh, "I need a beer. You want anything?" Miranda held up the wine glass in her hand and said, "I'm fine."  


She watched Jack cross the room to a small bar. Then she watched a group of Asari maidens surround Jack, talking excitedly to her. Their body language betrayed their fascination. Clearly word of Jack's exploits in the lab had spread. But even without that, Miranda thought Jack must seem as intriguing and exciting to them as they seemed to other races. Tattooed. Powerful, for a human. Beautiful. Confident in her sexuality. As she mused on this, Miranda realized that Jack was gazing over at her, smiling. Suddenly, Miranda needed to be alone with her.  


Miranda excused herself from the table and approached the group with a purposeful stride. She arrived saying, "I'm sorry, everyone. I'm afraid I have to steal my wife back." She reached for Jack's hand. Jack gave her a questioning look but said with a smile, "Sorry, everyone. Duty calls." She looked at Miranda with bemusement.  


One of the group spoke up, "See you back at the lab, Jack."  


As Miranda pulled her gently back toward the table, Jack considered her with a smile and a raised eyebrow. "What's the deal with that? Are you jealous right now?"  


"I thought maybe you needed to be rescued," Miranda said. As they arrived at the table, she moved her hand to squeeze Jack's forearm and leaned in to say in her ear, "And looking at you in this uniform is making me uncomfortably wet." She emphasized the last word, then backed up to meet Jack's gaze. Jack smiled at her, and quickly placed the full beer in her hand down on the closest table: "Well, I'm definitely ready to get out of here." She laced her fingers through Miranda's, and she was the one pulling Miranda toward the door.  


*****  


In the guest bedroom of the T'Soni estate, Miranda sat on the edge of the bed and slipped out of her heels. Then she stood to unzip her gown and slipped out of that too. The whole time Jack watched her, making appreciative sounds and working as fast as she could to get undressed too. Shoes, no problem. Pants, no problem. But the jacket . . . was another matter. When Miranda dropped her bra on the bed, Jack started to reach button-ripping levels of frustration—"Why are there so many fucking buttons on this fucking coat?"  


Miranda walked over to her. "Jack, this isn't yours. You can't rip it off like you do everything you own." Jack huffed in frustration. Miranda took Jack's hands in hers, then moved them to her hips. "Keep your hands here, on me, and let me do this for you." Jack exhaled and said "Fine."  


Miranda unbuttoned one button. "You should be thanking this jacket . . ."  


"I don't need this jacket to turn you on."  


Miranda unbuttoned the next button down, "True. But I never get to do this, and I like it."  


"Bullshit. You take my clothes off all the time . . ."  


Miranda smiled at her, "I do—sometimes—but you never have buttons."  


Jack began to slide her hands up to Miranda's waist. "I don't share your button fetish . . ."  


"It's not the buttons, per se." Miranda unbuttoned another button, "Sometimes it's just nice to have a slow reveal." She pushed the jacket a little further open at the top.  


Jack pulled her a little closer. "Oh, a slowness fetish." Her hands were still sliding upward.  


"Or a 'reveal' at all, actually . . ."  


"So it's a reveal fetish . . ."  


Miranda rolled her eyes, "Not everything is a fetish. And what are you doing with your hands?" As she unbuttoned the next button, Jack said, "Whatever I want to . . ." Her hands were cupping Miranda's breasts.  


"Um, I think you mean whatever I want you to."  


"That is absolutely what I meant." Jack's eyes were sparkling as she smiled at her. Suddenly she moved closer, quickly put her hands under Miranda's ass, and picked her up. Miranda's eyes widened a little, but she smiled back. As Jack moved them toward the bed she said, "But I get to say where it happens." She put Miranda down on the bed and moved to climb on top of her. "I say, the bed."  


"My traditionalist . . ."  


Jack looked down on Miranda from above. "You wanna get on the floor, princess? You know I'm game . . ."  


Miranda started unbuttoning again, "No, this is good."  


Jack leaned down to kiss her, but Miranda turned her head slightly. "Still unbuttoning here . . ."  


Jack groaned slightly. "You're into weird stuff."  


"I did marry you . . ."  


Now Jack started to nod with a look of playful annoyance, "Oh, it's like that?"  


Miranda smiled up at her and unbuttoned the last button. She pushed the jacket off Jack's shoulders and slowly down her arms, and said, "No, it's not 'like that.' It's like this." She pulled Jack down on top of her.  


Jack let out a sound of satisfaction as their breasts pressed together and said, "Fucking finally." Jack moved to kiss Miranda again, and this time Miranda welcomed her with warm, soft, parted lips.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up where we left off, and onto the finish.

Jack was cradling the back of Miranda's head as she kissed and touched her. Images from the day before, memories of how scared she had felt, flashed inside her head, and she struggled to push them aside. She told herself, Feel the warmth of Miranda's skin, feel the gentleness of her caress. You're together now. God, she loved her so much; sometimes, even now, she couldn't really let herself feel it all. But she knew, without a doubt, Miranda felt the same way.  


Then Miranda was gasping for breath, her chest was pressing up against Jack's, and she was pulling Jack tight against her, whispering her name. Jack whispered back "I love you" as she tried to catch her breath. She exhaled a long "Fuuuck, I love you so much." Miranda said, "I love you too." Jack kissed Miranda's shoulder, then pushed up to look at her with a smile. She found blue eyes full of turmoil. "Babe? What's wrong?"  


Miranda and shook her head, but she couldn't respond. Jack used her position to roll the two of them so they were lying side by side. She squeezed Miranda's waist and said, "Everything's okay. All this crazy shit is over, and we can go home soon."  


"It's not that."  


"Then tell me what it is. Please." Even though she suspected, better to listen, not guess.  


Miranda said, "Jack, I am jealous of them."  


Jack shook her head, not expecting that answer. "Are you kidding me? There is no reason for you to be. Ever. You are the smartest, hottest . . ."  


Miranda cut her off. "Jack, they're all smart and young and hot. And you could have a baby with any of them. You could have what Shepard and Liara have . . ."  


Jack inhaled. Ah, there it was, finally. "Miranda, I have what Shepard and Liara have. I'm spending my life with the woman I love."  


Miranda closed her eyes and shook her head. "I love you, too, and I love my life with you—but you know what I mean. Seeing you with Athena . . . it's been hard."  


Jack sighed, "Babe, I'm sorry. I know. I mean, I've seen the way you look at me and her. But me and Blueberry already had our little thing going, and I couldn't start treating her different—especially with the way Shepard was being . . ."  


"I wouldn't ask you to do that. I understand. And, honestly, I've loved seeing it. It's a surprisingly sweet side of you." Miranda reached to touch Jack's cheek. "Not that surprising , really . . ."  


Jack replied seriously: "I'd never want a kid with anyone but you." She was silent for a few seconds, then she said, "Babe, if you want to go to the doctors again . . . or different doctors . . . or whatever you want—I'm with you."  


Miranda exhaled a long breath, and averted her eyes just a little. "Jack, I've been to the doctors again. Since you've been here."  


"Oh." Jack didn't feel hurt, just a little surprised. She had been to the doctors with Miranda a few times. And the last time, they had made it very clear that there wasn't really a chance without major, experimental interventions. But she understood how sometimes when people hear something they don't want to hear . . . they don't hear it. It still made Jack sad to imagine Miranda going there alone.  


Miranda start apologizing and explaining into Jack's silence: "I'm sorry. You were just talking about Athena so much, it got in my head. I had to know for sure. I just had to . . . go on my own, get more details. I was going to talk to you about it when I got here, but then all of this other madness was going on . . ."  


"It's okay. Don't apologize. Sometimes we both deal with things on our own. In our own ways. That's, like, one of our things. It's fine." She inhaled, "Miranda, I'm sorry. I wish things were different. But you being healthy—that's the most important thing to me. I know I said it kind of sarcastically the other night, but I need you."  


Miranda smiled, saying,"I won't tell anyone." Then she added more seriously, "I need you, too."  


Jack said more hesitantly, "Maybe when we get back to Earth, maybe I'll finally go to the doctor myself . . ."  


Miranda shook her head. "Jack, that wasn't my intention in bringing this up. I wasn't trying to force that discussion. I just want you to know . . . I'm more in love with you than ever, and I think having a baby with you would be amazing. And I just feel . . . sad."  


Jack pulled her close, "I feel the same way. Everything you said, I feel the same." Jack held Miranda as she cried.  


*****  


The biotics training was quietly cancelled. No one outside of a very small circle gave it a second thought. Hackett went back to Earth. Jack gave a deposition to the Asari police, and they said "everything's in order." Jack thought, "Hardly," but she was glad it was all over. Miranda and Jack made plans to leave Thessia in a few days.  


Now, there was only one day left. Jack was excited to go home, but starting to feel sad about leaving Athena. She knew Shepard and Liara had started to explain it to her. Which was good, because she had no idea what to say. What do you say to a little kid? "I'm really going to miss you." And " I wish you would remember me." It all made her feel even worse for what Miranda had been through turning Oriana over to another family.  


As breakfast ended, Shepard tickled Athena and said, "Wanna play ball, Teeny?"Athena said "Yes" with bright eyes. Jack said, "Can I join in?"  


Shepard said, "Sure." Jack turned to Miranda, questioning, "You want to come along?" Miranda shook her head, but said, "Go on. The three of you have fun."  


Liara chimed in, saying, "Actually, I'd like for Miranda to look over some information with me."  


Shepard stood up and lifted Athena out of her chair. "Okay, we've all got plans. Ready, cutie?"  


Jack pushed to stand too, saying, "Shepard! Miranda's sitting right there."  


Shepard rolled her eyes and said, "Who do you think I was talking to?" Then to Liara. "Just kidding, babe."  


"Oh I know. I'm used to so-called human humor by now."  


Shepard, Jack, and Athena headed for the garden.  


*****  


Shepard pushed the ball so it rolled right to Athena's hands. The three of them were sitting close together in the grass. Athena pushed it back. The Shepard tossed it to Jack. "Float it over to her."  


"Yeah?"  


"Liara started with her a little bit ago. I think she's starting to get the idea."  


Using her biotics, Jack floated the ball to Athena, letting it drop in her lap. Athena giggled, then picked it up. She looked at Shepard, then Jack, then back to Shepard.  


Shepard said, "Jack can do it too. You both can do it. Like mommy." She wanted Jack to feel like there was something they shared.  


Athena held the ball for a second with her hands. She slowly pulled her hands, and the ball floated for half a second before it fell to the ground.  


"Blueberry! That's really good."  


Athena smiled excitedly.  


Jack picked the ball back up and floated it to Athena, but said to Shepard, "That's gonna be fun to watch." She sighed. "I'm looking forward to going home, but I'm really gonna miss this." She tilted her head toward Athena.  


"I know."  


She felt the sadness growing again, but . . . it was a beautiful day. Hell, she was lucky to be alive many times over. She nodded back at Shepard and said, "Shepard, never forget this is all here because of you. All of this." She gestured at Athena and then herself, then opened her arms to the garden. "Never forget."  


Shepard again felt that suspicion that Jack had been listening to her the other night, but she simply said, "Thanks, Jack. I won't."  


Jack hesitantly added, "You feeling better now? Since the other night?"  


"I am." It began to dawn on Shepard that Jack had noticed how she had put that distance between herself and Athena, that Jack had been worrying about it. She remembered that sweetness at the core of Jack that nothing had ever been able to kill. "I'm glad you've been here, and you've gotten to know Athena. But I am feeling much better. You don't have to worry, Jack. I promise."  


Jack smiled at Shepard's typical mind-reading ability. "Cool." She tapped Shepard's foot with her own and then wondered exactly how she had ever ended up here. She was just glad she had.  


*****  


Jack looked out the window of the shuttle. Athena was in Shepard's arms, and they were both waving. Jack waved back one last time and pushed the feeling to cry back down. She went to sit next to Miranda, who reached for her hand.  


Miranda asked, "Are you okay? I know it's hard."  


Jack leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Yeah. I'm okay. I'm finally getting to go home. With you. I'm lucky as shit."  


Miranda smiled and squeezed her hand a little tighter. She knew Jack was happy to go home, even though she was hurting. "We'll get home, and get some rest—and then we'll start figuring out all our next steps. All I know is, from now on, I'm keeping you home."  


Jack just said, "Good." As the shuttle took off, she closed her eyes. "From now on, we're together. That's all I want."  


*****  


After Nara's funeral, most of the galaxy had moved on from the story of the biotics training facility and what had happened there. But on secondark.ea, Azada E'lan kept working the boards behind 10 different user names.  


When Raffer's followers still posted hacked videos from the lab, including Jack blasting Raffer's hand off, she posts as Phillo934: This video is def faked. Look how blurred the middle frames are. The question is, why would they fake this??  


When Raffer's followers spread rumors he's being held at an Asari prison, she posts as 9876837: Here's a pic of him in a body bag that's floated around Asari intelligence channels. Sorry, guys. He's dead. Face it and figure out who else we've got to work on this.  


When Raffer's followers posted results from the drug tests that showed how effective the drugs were, she posted as AthamesRevenge: You're all idiots. Why do you think he shot his computer and started blowing up a lab after he posted that bullshit message here? He couldn't face his failures. These drugs might work for a little while, but the effectiveness wears off. Give it up. Let's stop trying to be like those squidheads and win like humans. Weapons, people. Big fucking guns, not stupid biotics . . .  


It had been a long night, when Nara walked in for her shift.  


"How's it going?"  


"Busy night. It's been 3 months since the lab; they're all riled up again."  


Nara sighed, "Okay. Pass me the script outlines and go get some rest. You've earned it, dealing with these idiots all night."  


"Thanks. See you tomorrow, Latana."  


"See you."  


****  


Meanwhile, on Earth, Miranda and Jack were lying in bed. Miranda said, "Three months today."  


"Yeah, I know. But I hadn't even realized till Liara mentioned it when I was messaging with Blueberry last night . . ."  


"I try not to think about that day. I still feel guilty that I talked you into going there . . ."  


"Miranda, let it go, please. It all turned out okay. And we probably wouldn't be going to the doctor tomorrow if I hadn't been there 3 months ago, so who knows? Maybe it was all meant to be this way."  


Suddenly, Miranda remembered Shepard picking her up at the spaceport and driving her to the estate, how she had said something almost exactly like that. Strange. Or maybe just Shepard's influence. Still, despite her scientific mind, she had had enough experiences to know that sometimes things felt fated. She wondered what tomorrow would bring.  


She reached for Jack's hand. "Maybe, babe. Maybe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's read this, especially the exceedingly patient folks who have been here since the beginning. It took awhile, but we made it! Hope you've enjoyed this story. I've left the ending open-ended, so we'll see. Maybe someday . . . a third Jackanda multichapter from this pseud. Maybe . . . : )


End file.
